The Big DebateThe Big Debate

Estudines vsEstudines vsLivingLiving

IndependentlyIndependently

Also:

Is Tintin gay?

Dr Stubbs gets grilled

Exploring the banlieue

Learning Greek

And much more...

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09

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"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months", and I wouldn't be incli-ned to disagree with Mr Wilde, but what do I know? One glance suffices to work out that I don't spend muchtime poring through the racks at H&M or wherever, I see shopping as a damage limitation exercise - if I makeit out without feeling overly despondent whilst battling through the 'trendy' hoards deciding between the khakior grey flatcaps, as I clutch to another greyscale T-shirt, I consider myself fortunate.

Anyway, during a recent trip back home to England, I decided, somewhat foolishly, to embrace the sales.Nottingham town centre is hardly the most inspiring of places, and during the January sales, it is no moreendearing. Despite the obscenely low temperatures, people came out in their droves, all dressed appropria-tely for the season in T-shirts, short skirts etc.

One trend that seems to have passed me by is that of slogan T-shirts, which are probably known by another,more dynamic name, but I am so far out of the loop that my voice just sounds like static against your edgysoundtrack of cool. I digress, slogan T-shirts are, as the name suggests, T-shirts with various, 'funny' sen-tences emblazoned upon them, the two that have stuck in my mind are "Too hot to care" and "You say I'm abitch like it's a bad thing". The majority of people sporting these T-Shirts fell into two distinct categories:young people trying to appear a lot more mature than they really are and mature people trying to appear alot younger than they really are.

Regarding the former slogan, arrogance is not a particularly attractive trait, and, far from wanting to hop onthe Daily Mail horse, there is something slightly immoral about letting twelve-year-old girls profess about theirhotness. Perhaps the police could employ girls wearing these T-shirts to lure paedophiles from the woods,or, if the aforementioned publication were to be believed, in your towns, on your streets, in your attics andso forth. As for the latter slogan, "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing", well, having had a little look in thedictionary, it seems every definition of the word 'bitch' is pretty derogatory. Still, at least this behaviour meansthat when the new world order is imposed, it'll be clearer to see who'll be first against the wall, but, that said,they are all "Too hot to care".

Men don't miss out on this bleak party either, selected 'classics' being "Will f**k on firstdate", "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder", and, the morose topping on this cakeof desolation, "boner appetit". When did such arrogance and promiscuity become suchattractive traits? Have STIs become fashionable again? Clothes are clothes areclothes, they are not adverts into your underwear; beauty is something that is subjec-tive and doesn't need to be broadcast in the form of clothing, anyone that does soclearly doesn't have it in the first place.

Bonne lecture,Alex Britton

Editor-in-Chief

EditoEdito

3

UULLIIPP NNeewwss

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FFeeaattuurreessULIP Hoodies For Sale 6High Society 7ULIP Blind Date 36

Billy Crocker’s Baking Corner 6Entre Guillemets 10Arrondissement Guides 18-23ImagineR Trips 24-26Baldy Makes it Better 35

PPaarrlloonnss MMaaggaazziinnee iiss bbrroouugghhtt ttoo yyoouu bbyyAlex Britton, Editor-in-ChiefAlice Morton, Deputy Editor

Orlaith Wood, Creative DirectorJames Beard, EditorAdam Dalton, EditorLee O’Connor, Editor

ppaarrlloonnss@@uulliipp..lloonn..aacc..uukkwwwwww..ppaarrlloonnssoonnlliinnee..wwoorrddpprreessss..ccoomm

Plain English 8Music Piracy 9La Proprété 11Estudines vs Living Independently 12-13An Interview with Dr. Stubbs 14-16Of Snowy and Sodomy 17Der Krieg gegen das Schweigen 27Emmaüs 28Everyone’s talking about Gaza 29A Guide to Brussels 30-31Idyllic Cyrllic 32-34

Issue 9, February 2009

Cover Image: Getty Images

4

Laura Le Brocq, YARecently departed from ULIP,Laura writes about the 16tharrondissement (p18).

Will Burrows, BA2Cooks up some tasty treats in BillyCrocker’s Baking Corner (p6).

Emma Craig, BA1Argues the case for living inde-pendently in Paris (p12).

Annie Streater, AlumniTells us about her experiences oflearning Russian in Paris (p32-34).

Thank you to our guest writers this issue...

Lucy Johnson, BA2Is not a fan of Metro mice (p11).

Fiona Mannion, BA1Fights the side of Estudines in our

debate (p13).

Have your say!Have your say!Contribute to Parlons

Want to contribute to Parlons? We’re always looking for people to helpexpand and improve our magazine and website. If you feel strongly

about something and want to share it with us, you don’t have to be abudding journalist, send us your thoughts!

Reviews of films, books, music, exhibitions, restaurants, places do go inParis are also welcome. We want your opinions, your comments, and

Baldy even wants your problems!

Parlons Magazine is your magazine, and you have the power to makeit whatever you want it to be. If you don’t want to write anything, but youhave some ideas about how we can improve the publication, please let

us know.

Send your articles, photos, recipes, jokes, ideas, thoughts and com-ments to:

parlons@ulip.lon.ac.uk

Find us on Facebook or at: www.parlonsonline.wordpress.com

Next Issue...Next Issue...

Parlons needs your photos!By popular demand, we’re bringing back the photo

collage.Please email any photos you would like to share to:

parlons@ulip.lon.ac.uk

Should you feel strongly about not having photos of yourselfprinted in the magazine, please let us know.

5

6

WWWWoooouuuullll dddd yyyyoooouuuu llll iiii kkkkeeee aaaa UUUULLLL IIIIPPPPhhhhoooooooodddd iiii eeee????

Welcome to the first of what will (hopefully) be a seriesof recipes published here in Parlons. And, this being thefirst issue back since Christmas, I thought I'd start withmy own take on Christmas Cake. It's really easy tomake, and has a high chocolate ratio that makes it per-fect for munching during those long essay sessions.

All the ingredients can be found in your local supermar-ket and shouldn't cost too much - the nuts are probablythe most expensive thing on the list, and even theyshouldn't set you back too dearly. The whole list shouldcome to 15 euros or thereabouts. This might sound likea lot, but you often don't need to use all of what you buy.So whilst a large jar of honey might cost you5 euros, you only need a tablespoon and it keeps for don-key's years, so you can use it in future recipes.

Like I said, this cake is really easy and doesn't evenneed an oven, so 100% of Ulippers can make it!

Ingredients: 200g dark chocolate 200g digestive biscuits (or similar) 150g butter 100g shelled pecan nuts (or walnuts) 100g shelled pistachio nuts (unsalted!) 10 glacé cherries 1 tbsp sugar 1 tbsp honey (or Golden Syrup)

Method: -- Break the biscuits into small pieces in a large

bowl, then add the nuts and cherries. -- Put the chocolate, butter, sugar, and honey into

a second heatproof bowl and melt in the microwave,or in a saucepan over the hob. -- Mix the contents of both bowls together. -- Line a container with cling film, leaving plenty of

extra film at the edges to fold over the top.-- Spoon the mixture into the container and leave it

in the fridge to firm up. -- Once the cake has set, turn it out of the tin and

remove the cling film, then cut into chunky slices orsquares (depending on how deep your tin is).

The cake can then be kept in an airtight container,and actually improves after a couple of days.

If you have any questions, you can contact theBakers' Guild by emailing: su.bakers@ulip.lon.ac.uk

Happy baking! Billy Crocker

BBBB IIII LLLL LLLL YYYY CCCC RRRR OOOO CCCC KKKK EEEE RRRR '''' SSSS

CCCC HHHHOOOOCCCC OOOOLLLL AAAATTTT EEEE FFFF RRRRIIIIDDDDGGGG EEEE CCCCAAAAKKKKEEEE

ULIP Merchandise is now taking orders for ULIP leavers’ hoodies(for 3rd years) and normal ULIP hoodies for everyone else.

Hoodies cost €25 and are available in sizes XS, S, M, L and XLand colours black, navy blue, grey, bottle green, candy pink,light yellow, baby pink and sky blue.

If you would like one, please email:su.merchandise@ulip.lon.ac.uk before 20th February.

BBBB AAAA KKKK IIII NNNN GGGG CCCC OOOO RRRR NNNN EEEE RRRR

7

High Soc ie tyThe latest from ULIP’s clubs and societies

BBBBaaaakkkkeeeerrrrssss ’’’’ GGGGuuuuiiii llllddddThe Bakers' Guild continues to... well, bake,actually. In addition to our usual presence atFC ULIP matches and most canteen events,plans are also in motion for various ComicRelief projects, as well as an end-of-year picnic/binge.

Any ideas, comments, questions or queries?Contact Will Burrows, BA2 at our new emailaddress: su.bakers@ulip.lon.ac.uk

We meet for yoga at 5.45pm every Tuesdaynight in the canteen for about an hour. Formore info, contact Laura, BA3:su.yoga@ulip.lon.ac.uk

We meet every Wednesday from 17h30 in thecanteen. We normally practice songs thatpeople wish to perform at uni and variousopen mic events. Even if you're not a musician and fancy singing then feel free to come along. Bringalong your own instruments if possible.For any further information contactHumphrey, BA3: su.music@ulip.lon.ac.uk

MMMMuuuussssiiiicccc SSSSoooocccciiiieeeettttyyyy

We meet more or less every week at 2pm-ish,it tends to change, in the Cube Room for anhour or so and do fitness type things likebounce around to music etc.It's a tiny space but we manage :)Email Nadine, BA2:su.aerobics@ulip.lon.ac.uk

FFFF iiii tttt nnnn eeee ssss ssss SSSS oooo cccc iiii eeee tttt yyyy

FFFFCCCC UUUULLLLIIIIPPPPFC ULIP have played two games in 2009: 3-4 against Stolly’s (goals from Alex Maisel,guest star Hussein and Mark Thomson) and 1-3 against Auld Alliance (Lucas Whitworth scoring on his debut). Unfortunately, MilesDenison has been sidelined for the next fewmonths due to injury.This Sunday, we will be playing El Prado at1pm at Chateau de Vincennes.Training is held on Sundays at 1pm onmatchless days.For more information about our footballingexploits, drop Alex or James, BA3 a line:su.football@ulip.lon.ac.uk

If you would like more information on ULIP societies or would like to start a new one,get in touch with Jess Jones, VP. Events and Societies at su.events@ulip.lon.ac.uk

YYYY oooo gggg aaaa SSSS oooo cccc iiii eeee tttt yyyy

Swimming SocietySwimming is now taking place on Fridays at11.30am with no definite location until theweek of the swim. If anyone would like moreinformation, please email Ruth, BA2:su.swimming@ulip.lon.ac.uk

8

PPllaaiinnEEnngglliisshh

When I saw that the President of the InternationalSpelling Society was fronting a campaign to eliminate the apostrophe from the English lan-guage, I knew that, as a member of the ParlonsEditorial Committee, I had to speak up in defence ofeverybody’s favourite punctuation mark.

The apostrophe is a necessary and beautiful ele-ment of the English language. First of all, it sepa-rates “John’s” from “Johns”, c’est-à-dire, it distin-guishes between the possessive form and the plu-ral form of a noun or proper noun. Secondly, it indi-cates the suppression of letters from a word orcompound phrase, such that it is evident that, forexample, “can’t” means “cannot”, and one does notrush to the dictionary to look up “cant” (which, if youare interested, is “hypocritical and sanctimonioustalk”). It also serves some cultural-specific func-tions, in Irish surnames, for example, where itensures that the Ó (meaning “son of”) is a part ofthe surname and not taken for a middle name,whilst indicating that it should not affect the pronun-ciation of the main part of the name: “O’Riley”clearly sounds different to “Oriley”. “Oriley. Oriley?Yes.”

As well as preserving the Irish quality of these sur-names, the apostrophe also possesses a veryEnglish quality. Other systems exist in other lan-guages that do the apostrophe’s job, but few are aseloquent. Take French for example: “les chaus-settes de/à James” is much lumpier than “James’socks”.

This is why I don’t want to get rid of the apostrophe.And I must say that I find the contention of JohnWells, President of The Spelling Society, that “thereare more important things to do than worry aboutcorrect spelling”, simply astonishing. There arethings in life that are more important than buildingschools, but that does not mean we shouldn’t do it.“Correct spelling” is not just a way of ensuring thatour language is used to its maximum potential: italso offers an insight into how our language wasformed. Children of today are brought up to believethat English, both as a language and as an identity,is a glorious thing that has always fought for thatwhich is good, true and pure, and that has neverdone anything evil, and has never needed help

from anybody, God save the Queen. This is of course farfrom true. We have been guilty of incredible crimesagainst the people of Ireland, Scotland and Wales asrecently as 500 years ago, and the fact is, we havealways been a barbarian nation, that pillages other civili-zations and takes everything that’s useful and leaves therest in ruins. Take the Crusades, for example.

The English language is primarily comprised of Germanicand Latin influences, but there are elements of severalother languages in there too, from French to Dutch toItalian. French used to be the language of the law inEngland as recently as the Victorian era, hence severalFrench words continue to exist in English dictionaries.

The Plain English Campaign objects to The SpellingSociety’s campaign to eliminate the apostrophe. Theysee its value. However, and this I find utterly incongruous,they themselves have begun a campaign to forbid Latinphrases (such as “vice versa” and “post hoc”) from Britishlocal councils, on the grounds that such expressions“might confuse people”. I’m pretty sure antidisestablish-mentarianism is confusing to those unfamiliar with theword, but it is a valid word with a unique meaning none-theless. If we were to deny the Latin roots of our lan-guage, we'd have to remove the words "local" and "coun-cil" for a start.

The fact is that while jargon can be used to conceal mea-ning, dumbing down the English language conceals notjust meaning, but history, and ultimately, truth. What isplain English? Essentially there is no such thing. OnlyAmazon tribes use languages bearing no resemblance toany other. All other languages reflect the interaction of dif-ferent cultures, and it is through the engagement betweenlanguages and, to use an expression that’s very trendyhere at ULIP, their dialectic synthesis, that an ultimate,perfect language can be attained. Mastering English, withall its imperfections, remains a worthwhile intellectualexercise, and its heritage should not be sacrificed for thesake of being more easily understood. The human raceshould always be striving to raise the bar, not lower it.

Illustration: toothpastefordinner.com

JB

9

Music Piracy: Who's Knocking OnYour Door?

Amidst the dynamic world of cur-rent affairs debates, politics andpolicies, everyone developstheir own opinion on certaintopics, creates their own ideolo-gies and a following for everystance across the political spec-trum. One thing we all have incommon, however, is considera-ble admiration for NicolasSarkozy, his UMP party and eve-rything he stands for. No question there.Should it be a surprise, therefore, that toughening upFrench music piracy laws has sparked such debate,equally in the Sénat, on the streets, in households andclassrooms?

If you download anything illegally you should befined the maximum penalty and serve time in prisonfor stealing.

If you download things illegally it's not a big deal;everyone does it. They're never really going to catchyou. It's only the evil corporations who lose out.

Two opposing views. Is one right? Does the answer liesomewhere in between? The dispute begins with a simple matter: If you arecaught breaking the law you must pay the penalty, dothe time in prison, apologise to the guy whose motorbikeyou damaged etc.

If you download music, films, computer software orvideo games without paying for them you are still brea-king the law. Even quietly sitting in one's own home atthe computer and downloading only one song is brea-king the law by stealing someone else's work. Whatwould your reaction be if Sarko came knocking on yourdoor, demanding an explanation? There are those who would attempt justification of thisactivity. These are mostly mild efforts to sound lessamoral:

"But I bought their last CD!”"But I paid to see him live so..."

Others involve either stupidity or dishonesty: "It's illegal?!"

There is, on the side, however, the absurd minority whowill fight to the death (or prison sentence) arguing theircase for some preposterous alteration to life itself just sothat they may be in the right:

"Y not change da rulez so u dnt hav 2 pay 4 damuziks?!"

I'm not joking. There are those who honestly believemusic should be free. It goes on: this same conception

involves no one ever paying for music; amagical "music tax bank" appearingfrom nowhere in order to fund the artists;the elimination of record labels andmusic advertising; music television andCD stores no longer existing in their cur-rent form; radio stations forced to makerandom guesses as to what the publicwishes to hear and the vast majority ofnew bands finding it even harder to‘make it’ in this proposed non-existent

music business. Yes, essentially we'd all be forced toabide to this nonsensical communist ideology in order toenjoy music. Fun times.

I realise that it is not just the crazies who express theirdiscontent regarding the goings-on of the giganticrecord labels. The ‘Big Four’ (Warner, EMI, Sony andUniversal) all come under fire from the smaller compa-nies, the artists and the public for their bullying attitudein demanding everything goes their way. I rememberresearching the modern music industry in MediaStudies when I was at school - these companies are abit intimidating and they do insist everything goes theirown way. This may not be nice but what must beaccepted is that they are businesses.

Business ≠ Making FriendsBusiness = Gaining Profit

It is only childish to want to march around outside theheadquarters of the ‘Big Four’ with Crayola-inspired placards, half-heartedly chanting "down with this sort ofthing!" (Careful now!) in a Craggy Island-esque manner.Like it or not, the music industry needs record labels.Not only are they necessary as an integral part of get-ting the music from scribbles on a songwriter's notepadonto a CD or available on iTunes, while they do earn alot in profit, they employ thousands of staff, thus are ofservice to the economy. In case you haven't heard, it'sfeeling a little under the weather as of late.

The record labels earn money from record sales.Record sales come from record buyers. If recordbuyers steal instead of purchasing the music, both thelabel and the artist lose out. Don't fancy Sarkozyknocking on your door? Don't steal. L.O'C

Parlons accepts that not everyone agrees with Lee.If you would like to publicly disagree with him, tellus your thoughts on the issue of music piracy bywriting in to parlons@ulip.lon.ac.uk. We'll print thebest reactions next issue.

10

Overheard something funny? Got an

amusing anedote to share?Send us your snippets to parlons@ulip.lon.ac.uk

Go to www.parlonsonline.wordpress.com

for more Entre Guillemets.

Gu i l l emet s ”“E

ntr

e"Je suis désolée si j'étais un peu ‘out ofsteam’ “ Dr Rollet.

"To get to university, you have to be able to read." Dan, BA3.

Following the news that Will, BA3 had readL'Oeuvre au Noir "Another Brownie point forWilliam" - Dr Rollet.

"See how far you can get without drugs,kids." Dr Lyle tries to explain surrealism toBA2.

"I am not a martian teenager, I would like tounderline." Dr Lyle.

“When the tide goes out you suddenly seewho’s not wearing a bathing suit.” WarrenBuffet on the financial crisis in the US.

"I can point you towards the books if you wantto go and learn about it." Dr Lyle.

“If anyone else has anymore constructivecriticism, they can fuck off” – While puttingup festive decorations at the pub.

"In the end I decided to take off pointsbecause, as a translation, it was, shall wesay, slightly... crap." Dr Kitson.

Two American girls discuss a well-known UKhighstreet chain: -They don't even sell shoes. -But they sell cosmetics. -But it's called 'Boots'. The ensuing discussion continued for at least10 minutes.

"Oh, Power Rangers! No, it's just Daft Punk."Parisa, BA2.

"I always know which bits Alex wrotebecause it's always, 'Grump grump grumpgrump grump grump grump. Space. AB.'" -Alex B, BA3’s mother on Parlons.

"Ma chérie, ton chili est si bon que j'ai l'anusqui s'ouvre."

"You don't need to quote my words of wis-dom." Dr Lyle.

When playing 'I have never', Lucas, YA, "Hasanyone ever set their balls on fire? (silence)Kings of Leon, my sex is on fire... that's whatthat song is about."

"You can make it French by making the lan-guage French." Dr Lyle.

"Mmm dessert." Humphrey, BA3 on hearing abunch of little kids shouting.

"Yeah I went to this really nice Italian restau-rant over Christmas...and it did this reallynice Bescherelle sauce." - Eating can helpParisa with her conjugaisons.

"I'd love to be one of those people who couldsit there for hours knitting scarves and hatsand Afghans."

"Among the cornucopia of euphemisms forthe humble vagina, it's always nice to findone you've never heard before."

Dr Stubbs: Now we are going to hear somevery pithy presentations. Do you all knowwhat pith is? Max, BA2: It's essential to a good marma-lade."Get yo' asses in here!" Dr Stubbs.

"Referencing systems are all the same, butdifferent." Dr Lyle.

Humphrey, BA3: I should just tie myself toyou tonight or something so I don't end upsleeping in again tomorrow morning.Lee, BA3: That's called bondage.

"Some of you need to learn the differencebetween spit and swallow." - Dr Kitson duringa BA2 translation class.

"What's everyone watching on the telly?" -Helen, BA2 during Obama's inauguration.

Mme. Simonin calls the register for BA3 busi-ness, "Sarah Swan... Swan... that's a nicename... you do look like a swan."

"Le roman historique, c'est vraiment top ofthe pops." - Dr Rollet.

11

“La propreté, on a tous un rôleà jouer”

The more aware amongst you will recognise this as therecently adopted motto of the RATP, the group in chargeof the metro system responsible for over 2,873 millionvoyages last year alone, and who are becoming increa-singly environmentally friendly. With adverts online andin carriages telling us to love our city, backed up by cam-paigns designed to make us more aware of our environ-ment through photography and poetry, as well as havingexpressed an interest in pollution-free Eco-friendlybuses, it seems like the transport company is Paris’ newhero.

However, while the hundreds of busy platforms areundisputedly spotless and the metros and buses reas-suringly reliable, I cannot help but remain slightly doubt-ful of the true cleanliness of the Métropolitain systemwhen I am building up quite a history of undesirableencounters with creatures of the rodent variety.Admittedly it was in the depths of Châtelet, undoubtedlythe least favourite of all Paris’ metro stations, when amassive rat ran across a busy corridor late at nightimmediately in front of me and set my nerves spinningfor a good half hour, so maybe I shouldn’t have been toosurprised. The company of a little mouse while waitingfor an evening metro at Arts et Métiers may have beenrather hypnotic but nevertheless shows how even the

most strikingly themedstation cannot escapethe clutches of theserather adorable,disease-ridden animals.Not to mention the nota-bly reliable presence ofthese four-legged com-panions dancing abouton the tracks at manystations on the suns-hine-yellow line 1.

I am not ignorant to howhard the metro staffmust work to not onlykeep the traffic runningpunctually but the plat-forms clean and theescalators out of order,and rats in particular arenotorious for being“never further than a

metre away” or something equally horrendous. I caneven accept that as avast, city-wide network primarilyunderground the dif-ficulties in pest-control are increasedsignificantly. Still, Ican’t help but askwhy, if they can nowconsider electricbuses and extendingthe questionably-fuchsia line 4 at thecost of millions ofeuros, they can’t justadd a few humanemouse-traps to thebudget and stop theRatatouille themedflashbacks for good?

Admittedly theseinnocent little crea-tures always runaway at an enviable speed at the slightest movement intheir vicinity and so pose no real threat to any passen-ger of the RATP transport service. But still, I wouldreally rather not have to spend the subsequent ten-minute metro rides holding my feet a good few inchesoff the floor. Or occasionally having to sit on my handsto stop them visibly shaking as the adrenalin pumpsthrough my shattered nervous system after anotherbrief visit from one of Paris’ lesser celebrated residents.Not to mention the dreams I have of hundreds of thesepoor animals being stood on in rush hour by the familiarbourgeois in their impossibly high spiky heels, or squis-hed by trains continuously roaring into stations everyday of the year.

So please, dear RATP, spare a thought for these wides-pread inhabitants of your otherwise top-notch serviceand spend some of that coveted currency you hold dearto your hearts on doing a great New Year's service of re-homing a few million furry little rogues. Tom and Jerrymay be two of our favourite retro cartoon characters butthere’s a reason rodents aren’t so popular, especially inthe outrageously hectic public transport sector –Bubonic plague anyone?Lucy Johnson

Photos: G

etty Images

12

The Big DebateEstudines VS Living independently

Let'sget this straight

right from the start, I hatethe Estudines. They are too far away,

completely over-priced (in my opinion) and inwhat is possibly the ugliest area in the Paris region. Ichose to privately rent an apartment and needless tosay, have not once regretted my decision.

There are endless advantages to privately renting asopposed to going down the Estudines route. Firstly -and quite possibly most importantly - where I live isrecognisably Paris. The Estudines are all well andgood if you don't mind living somewhere that feelslike a business park, but when I decided to study inParis I wanted the complete package of pretty apart-ment and mad French (not forgetting 'grown-up')neighbours. When I step outside first thing in themorning (or more usually, first thing mid-afternoon), Iam instantly immersed in the Paris I pictured in myhead when I applied to ULIP. If I'm feeling homesick,it always reminds me why I came to Paris in the firstplace; if I'm not feeling homesick, I feel like a realparisienne.

The whole 'grown-up neighbours' thing is also a mas-sive plus. Living independently, I don't find myselfbeing woken at 3am by the last dregs of a party that'sspilled out into the corridor, I'm not disturbed byimmature people running up and down the halls andI certainly don't have any cases of 'knock-a-door run'.If I decide to have a party, it's 100% on my terms.That, and there is a young businessman living on thesame floor who looks like he's just escaped from thelatest Calvin Klein ad. campaign, which I'm sure youjust wouldn't get if you lived at the Estudines.[Correct - You get the lunatic technician who justlooks like he's on parole for a rape charge - Ed.]

Living in the main part of Paris also has many advan-tages aside from the aesthetics. The last metro goesat 12.30am on a weekday, which is not exactly use-ful if you've decided to take advantage of one of themany free entry nights at the Parisian clubs. But hey,no problem, stay over at mine! It's got to the stage

now where my Estudine-ing friend actually has a pairof pyjamas reserved in my apartment. I can walk touni in under twenty-five minutes, which means that inthe two hours between my morning and afternoonlectures I have plenty of time to go home, sit downand have a nice cup of tea. Who can argue with that?

As with everything, there are some disadvantages toliving independently. If I have a problem, for instance,I am completely on my own. A good example of thiswould be my electricity going off twice in the sameweek - but there's no need to panic, just be calm, putyour brain in gear and you might surprise yourselfwith how self-sufficient you really are. My knowledgeof French fuse boxes is coming on a treat, which is anexperience I would have missed out on entirely if I'dgone to the Estudines. That's perhaps the best wayof looking at living independently: it's all about gai-ning priceless life experience. The Parisians are alsowonderful in that every month or so you'll find a littlecard in your postbox with a list of useful numbers on,including things like doctors, fire brigade, plumbersand electricians.

What's holding you back? If you were really afraid,you would never have applied to study in Paris in thefirst place, so why chicken out now and opt for expen-sive student halls? Bite the bullet and get your ownquirky apartment - there's something out there foreveryone and I can promise you that no matter whatyou end up with, you'll feel ever so smug when youwatch all the Estudiners doing it for the first time inthe second year.

Emma Craig

The Perks of Proper Paris

“There is a young businessmanliving on the same floor who

looks like he's just escaped fromthe latest Calvin Klein ad. cam-paign, which I'm sure you justwouldn't get if you lived at the

Estudines.”

13

Livingin the Estudines

in La Défense has manyadvantages, one of the main being that

is that a large number of ULIP first year studentslive there. This year, over half of the first year studentslive in the Estudines, meaning that life there is verysociable, and it is the closest thing available to a uni-versity halls experience in Paris. There are also manyFrench and other international students living in theEstudines, giving you a chance to meet lots of otherpeople too. It is worth making the effort to network out-side of the Institute, and makeFrench friends, as well asEnglish ones because this willrapidly improve your French.

The fact that so many Ulipperslive at Estudines at La Défensealso means that you never haveto travel home alone from a night out. As La Défenseis a on the outskirts of town, it is roughly a 35 minutecommute to the Institute (of which 10 minutes is a walkto the metro station). It is on metro line 1, but it is alsoserved by RER and tram services and there are anumber of buses, notably the night bus (N24) whichruns throughout the night, and stops fairly close to theEstudines, meaning that students can travel backsafely and cheaply. However, this bus only comesonce an hour from Châtelet, so it is not always themost convenient option. La Défense is not typicallyParisian, but rather a business district, and is alsohome to one of the biggest shopping centres inEurope, which is extremely handy and should providenumerous opportunities to find a local job.

As for the accommodation itself, the studio flats arenice and come fully furnished. They appear to offer thebest of both worlds because each student has theirown personal living space, but at the same time yourfellow students are just a couple of doors away.Though the curtains may not be to your taste, thedécor is light and airy and you have virtually everythingyou need, although it might be worth bearing in mind

that the cooking facilities do not include an oven.It is however possible to buy your own small ovenquite cheaply if you feel the need. The majority ofpeople though, manage to cook a large range ofinteresting dishes on the two-ring hob and thereis also a microwave. The price of the rentincludes fortnightly changes of linen, includingbed sheets, pillow cases, towels and a bath mat,which is ideal for the lazy student and saves thehassle and money of washing all your ownsheets. It also includes free use of the vacuumcleaner (if it is working) and there is a salle de

sport with (very) limited gymfacilities. The Estudines has a24-hour concierge, whospeaks English, and is thereto deal with any problems.There is also an access codeon the door, which can pro-vide both parents and stu-

dents with a feeling of security.

Overall, life in the Estudines has both its advan-tages and disadvantages. It may not be a typicalParisian residence, but in my opinion it is a goodoption for the first year because it provides thebest of both worlds; you have your own space,but at the same time you can never get lonely.Lots of the first year students live there, so it iseasy to make friends from within the university,but also to mix with other French and internatio-nal students too. Having only experienced Parislife in the Estudines, it is hard for me to say whe-ther it is better than living elsewhere, but perso-nally I am glad that I have chosen to stay here forthe first year.

Fiona Mannion

Defending La Défense

“it provides the best of bothworlds; you have your own

space, but at the same time youcan never get lonely.”

The Big DebateEstudines VS Living independently

14

An Interview with Dr Jeremy Stubbs

James Beard (JB): When you speak, everyone inthe class immediately believes whatever you saydue to the authoritative tone of your voice, but doyou believe everything you say, or are you merelya master of rhetoric?

Dr. Jeremy Stubbs (JS): Well you reveal some-thing to me there because my own feeling is thatnobody believes what I say. But I do. It's tragic Iknow, but as with all masters of rhetoric, it helps tobelieve.

JB: Arthur Dent believes that the most importantitem a man possesses is his towel. Would yours beyour multipurpose umbrella, perhaps?

JS: I like your reference to The Hitchhiker's Guideto the Galaxy there, I'm actually just rediscoveringit. Um, what was the question again? Ah yes, well Iknow the most important item a man possesses,but if you're asking me the most important item Ipossess, the answer is, I'm afraid, another sadanswer: my library.

JB: Andrew Hussey and yourself have collaboratednumerous times over the years. What is he like asa student and as a partner?

JS: So you've found out all that have you?! I don'tknow how - or what - you found out, but yes, I'vealways found him very easy and congenial to workwith. He is, to use a word that's very trendy nowa-days, a maverick. It's good to have few mavericksaround - not too many - and mavericks with style.He's a person with original thoughts and a refres-hingly straightforward approach, which I'm afraid israther rare in this profession.

JB: Would you choose the Dean as your bridge part-ner? Or is chess more your thing?

JS: I played bridge many years ago for money and Ikeep confusing it with poker. You see, as a maverickmyself, I see myself as playing alone most of thetime. Any chess-playing talent in the Stubbs familywent straight to my brother, though. People wouldalways say to me "Ah, you're Stubbs' brother! Youmust be good at chess!" And they were disappointedto find out that I was useless. So perhaps by love offorthrightness, but also by sheer incompetence withcomplex things, chess is not my cup of tea.

JB: Do you use Brylcreem?

JS: No, as you can tell. I never do anything with myhair. When I wash it, I brush it all back and leave it.You seem to suggest that there's a parting on oneside - that's news to me. I never really look at myself,which could be out of extreme vanity, or perhapsbecause I don't like seeing how ugly I am.

JB: Do you have a favourite cosmetic product?

JS: Like all men who grew up in the 60s and 70s, Iof course assumed that masculinity goes with wea-ring a particular aftershave. Once you put on thisaftershave, you'll be able to go surfing and drivespeedboats and sports cars. Ideally, I would proba-bly be wearing such an aftershave. In reality, I'venever found it.

Dr. Jeremy Stubbs is a part-time lectu-rer at ULIP, teaching 'Language,

Media & Society' to BA2 and 'Paris aupluriel' to BA3. James Beard caughtup with him to find out what JeremyStubbs's (heaven help you if you omitthat 's' after the apostrophe) greatestachievement is, the truth about hisgangster rap addiction, and his opi-nions on the Dean of our beloved

Institute...

“It's good to have few mavericksaround - not too many - and

mavericks with style.”

15

JB: Do you think the perfect aftershave is out therewaiting for you?

JS: I think it is, I hope it's not too late.

JB: Do you smoke a pipe?

JS: I do from time to time. I would guess that it'sprobably Andrew who told you that.

JB: It was just a hunch.

JS: You're a very perceptive man! I am somebodywho enjoys tobacco very much but I am not at alladdicted to it. It's one of my few positive qualities.Pipes and cigars I really like.

JB: What is the best thing about teaching at ULIP?

JS: [Shouts into Dictaphone] The students! Mycontact with the Institute is relatively limited, so theonly people I really see much of are the students.

JB: So it's the students by default?

JS: Indeed, but as I am growing old in life, I haveacquired a kind of affectionate benevolencetowards young people, and teaching is an opportu-nity to exercise that benevolence. British studentsin particular (you'll write this in the article I'm sure)are very often lazy or absent, but when they're inthe classroom, they are pleasant, polite, and quiteoften participative, which is not necessarily thecase with French students.

JB: And what is the worst thing about working atULIP?

JS: I'll leave you to guess.

JB: What do you consider your greatest achieve-ment?

JS: Honestly, I don't feel that I have yet reallyachieved a great deal. Perhaps it was in seeing offa pair of aggressive burglars from my house inManchester many years ago… My ambition is tonot be restricted within particular disciplines or sub-jects. At Sciences Po I teach the avant-garde inParis, which is quite close in some ways to what Ido here, but I also teach imperialism and war froman English-speaking perspective, and the philoso-phy of Liberalism, and European History in the 19thcentury. Perhaps I'd say that building up my diverselibrary, which reflects this ambition, is my greatest

achievement. All I have to do now is actually readthe books.

JB: Perhaps your most important possession isyour external, physical library and your greatestachievement is your internal, intellectual library?

JS: I think I need to hire you as manager and pressrepresentative.

JB: Tell us about your time spent living in a cham-bre de bonne.

JS: I was a postgraduate student and had wonsome kind of a prize that enabled me to travel,"supposedly" to study. Lavatory outside, no shower,water downstairs, direct view of the Eiffel Tower, Iwasn't there for very long, and it helped in meetingmy first wife.

JB: You're always exceptionally well turned out inthe classroom, but at home, do you sport a brightblue Kappa tracksuit, for example, or a dressinggown and slippers?

JS: There is an old Oxford custom that consists ofgoing to have breakfast in a restaurant still wearinga dressing gown. And I'm not averse to appearingin the street in the village where I live in dressinggown and slippers in order to get the post from thepost box outside. But if you consider me exceptio-nally well turned out, I think that can only conceiva-bly be because the dress standard in ULIP is woe-fully low and inadequate. I shall have to have aword with the Dean on this subject. Lecturers whodress the way students dress, it's not on. Studentshave their dress code and we have ours. It alsohelps to have a staff of domestic servants.

JB: Are you genuinely a fan of gangster rap, or is itjust an attempt to try and engage with the youngfolk?

JS: I was led to listen to gangster rap in connectionwith preparing classes, and I thought: actually, thisisn't too bad, this is quite interesting. It was a kindof revelation for me. It remains, though, a purely,shall we say, intellectual revelation: I do not listento gangster rap at all in my own spare time.

“The dress standard in ULIP iswoefully low and inadequate. Ishall have to have a word with

the Dean on this subject.”

16

JB: You've not been to any 50 Cent concerts oranything?

JS: I don't even know what that is. My own easy lis-tening is very far removed. Baroque religious musicin particular. Not a lot of rapping going on there.

JB: What do you make of the oft-made compari-sons between yourself and Jimmy Carr?

JS: I don't know who Jimmy Carr is, so I couldn'treally say. However I do think of myself as a sort ofpub landlord - or maybe even Gene Hunt - of theacademic world. My job actually consists of some-thing quite similar to stand-up comedy, and I havelearnt a lot from stand-ups. I think it is one of thegreat art forms of our time, and should be recogni-sed as such.

JB: Not knowing Jimmy Carr, what do you think heis like, now that we have said that your style resem-bles his?

JS: I had the impression that he was maybe a bit ofa cockney wide boy.

JB: Not really. He's rather well spoken, with a clear,neutral, confident voice.

JS: I thought a stand-up comic had to be cockneyor northern or Irish or a transvestite. I had no ideathat an authoritarian way of speaking was compati-ble with stand-up comedy!

JB: Sticking with the comedy theme, an anony-mous source has revealed to Parlons that you havebeen re-using your comic material, such as thespinning chair sketch. How do you respond to theseallegations, and are you still writing new material?

JS: I acknowledge the fault on the question of thespinning chair. My only defence is that whenever Isee the spinning chair, I can't help but jubilate [sic].The petty joy of understanding that one is incharge, it's an endless delight. I do think that oneshould renew one's material, though. Spontaneity isone of the best ways, but as I always say, you canonly be spontaneous when you've prepared.

JB: Tea or coffee?

JS: Coffee in the morning, tea at any time after.

JB: Scotch or wine?

JS: Scotch. In fact I do carry around a flask withsingle malt whisky in it.

JB: France or England?

JS: In terms of women, France.

JB: "Stubbs'" or "Stubbs's"?

JS: Oh apostrophe S every time. I won't acceptanything else.

JB: Mac or PC?

JS: Oh, Mac. Dirty Mac.

JB: Times or Guardian?

JS: Times, although I would prefer the DailyTelegraph.

JB: Finally, lights on or off?

JS: Oh, off! "Put that light out!" as they say in Dad'sArmy.

JB: That's it. Thank you very much. We'll makesure you get a copy of the issue when it comes out.

JS: I imagine the interview will take up most of theissue of course, with a few small columns abouthow the Institute is going to be abolished or some-thing.

JB: Are you a regular reader of Parlons?

JS: I've never heard of it.

“The petty joy of understandingthat one is in charge, it's an

endless delight.”

17

OOOO ffff SSSS nnnn oooo wwww yyyy aaaa nnnn dddd SSSS oooo dddd oooo mmmm yyyyTintin has a hard time of it. The world’s most famousBelgian has previously been accused of racism, miso-gyny and being a Nazi. Now, as our intrepid reporterturns 80 this month, he is the subject of yet moredebate. The English journalist, Matthew Parris from TheTimes has set the cat amongst Belgian pigeons in revi-ving the notion that Tintin is gay.

"What debate can there be when the evidence is sooverwhelmingly one-way?," asks Parris. “A callow,androgynous blond-quiffedyouth in funny trousers anda scarf moving into thecountry mansion of his bestfriend, a middle-aged sailor?A sweet-faced lad devotedto a fluffy white toy terrier,whose other closest pals arean inseparable couple ofdetectives in bowler hats,and whose only seriousfemale friend is an operadiva... and you're telling meTintin isn't gay?”

Parris, a 60 year-old writer,journalist and former gay-rights activist, has sparkedlively debate in France withhis article, 'Of CourseTintin’s Gay. Ask Snowy'.Newspapers and radioshave ardently defended theclaims, heavily criticisingParris for subjecting the chil-dren’s hero to needless psy-cho-sexual analysis.

Le Figaro brought in the psychiatrist Serge Tisseron,who suggested that exposing Tintin as gay was “lovelyrevenge for a homosexual”, and Les Échos wonderedaloud if Asterix and Obelix as lovers would be a goodsubject for Parris’ next column. Internet blogs andforums were filled with comments arguing that anysexual element is entirely absent from Tintin’s world, thestories having been written at a time when violence wasaccepted and romance or sex was shunned.

Parris’ article is undeniably tongue-in-cheek, written toprovoke and provide amusement, yet the argument hepresents reveals some interesting facts about Tintin’sworld. Out of roughly 350 characters, only 8 are women(2%), one of the few things revealed by Hergé aboutTintin’s background is that he was in the boy scouts, inhis first appearance in 1929 he is heavily connected

with the Catholic Church, and as a journalist he is spec-tacularly unproductive, only stopping to take notes on ahandful of occasions.

Given the extraordinary amount of Gallic indignation overTintin’s alleged sexuality, it would be easy to forget thathe is in fact the creation of a Belgian author, GeorgesRémy, who published under the name of Hergé. His suc-cess came about in post-war Europe, a time marked bythe introduction of one of the more bizarre French laws

where the State bannedchildren’s books andcomics from depictingcowardice in a favoura-ble light, threateningguilty publishers with upto a year in prison. Tintinis indeed notable for hisbravery, and in spite ofhis lack of physicalstrength he is not at allafraid to stand up to bad-dies, a fact that led theequally dauntlessCharles de Gaulle toclaim on these groundsthat Tintin was his “onlyinternational rival”.

His acclaim somewhatjustifies the protectivenature of the Frenchover their surrogatehero; his probity andethical code appealed tothe mindset of the peo-ple deeply affected by

the tribulations of the war, yet despite his qualities, heremains to this day virtually unknown to the Americanpublic. This is set to change in the next year with therelease of a motion-capture film by Steven Spielberg,who acquired the rights shortly before Hergé’s death in1983.

Tintin’s sexuality is, however, fundamentally unimportantto the stories, and delight is found (as with so many otherchildren’s tales; Asterix and Obelix, Noddy, The FamousFive, even Peter and Jane) not through their sexualexploits, but through their adventures and the old-fashioned values they embody. The idea that Tintin is gaywill doubtless persist and as Parris admits, we’ll nevertruly know: “Snowy saw everything; Snowy knows all.And Snowy never tells.”

AD

18

AArree yyoouu aarrrroonndissing me?

What is there to do in the 16th arrondissement?Traditionally a bourgeois area - part of the ChampsElysées is in the 16th - a student budget in a recessionwon't get you far, although did you realise that Duplexis located in this arrondissement? Don't let the financialfactor phase you, there is still plenty to see withoutspending a cent, so for once try to make it in the sobe-ring daylight and faire une promenade in this oftenoverlooked quartier of Paris.

Something Historic: Palais de Chaillot and otherMuseums There is an abundance of museums in the 16th. TheMusée de l'homme, housed in the Palais de Chaillot,has four permanent exhibitions about the progressionand expansion of the human race. Just next door, theCité de l'architecture et du patrimoine plays host to anunusual exhibition: children from the age of four areinvited to build a house whilst experimenting with diffe-rent types of construction. Until 9th February theMusée de la marine is showing an exhibition that spansover nine centuries of naval warfare (from William theConqueror in 1066), and on the third Tuesday of everymonth at the Musée Marmottan Monet, pianists will bedelighting audiences with concerts of Fauré, Debussyand Ravel, to name but a few.

Something Random: Castel Béranger As you wander round gazing at the shop window dis-plays bursting with everything you can't afford (andcan't fit in an 18m2 studio), look out for the more unu-sual architecture dotted throughout the arrondisse-ment. Little-known architect Hector Guimard was com-missioned during the early part of the last century torenovate various parts of the area. This 'isolatedgenius' took his inspiration from art nouveau to createnature-themed houses, porches, banisters and metroentrances (Porte Dauphine and Palais Royal). His firstmajor piece of work, the Castel Béranger is nicknamed'Castel Derangé' due to its juxtaposition of gothic andart nouveau.

Something Famous: Trocadéro It may not technically be in the 16th, but there's a bril-liant view of the Eiffel Tower from Place Trocadérowhich is right next to the Palais de Chaillot. Dreamingis free, so take a camera or even a sketch pad andmake the structure that has come to represent Parisyour muse. Just avoid the tourist vendors…

Something Pretty: Marché de l'Alma There is beauty in order and variety. Head downAvenue du President Wilson from Place Trocadéro toPlace Iéna on a Wednesday or Saturday from 8am -14pm (though there won't be much left by the after-noon) to discover the Marché de l'Alma. An array ofwares is available - from fresh produce such as fish,meat, cheese and fruit to handmade jewellery. The16th is home to several up-market and overpricedclothes boutiques, but at the Marché de l'Alma you canfind similar dresses by unknown designers for around30 euros, and they're one of a kind.

Carnet d'adresses :Le Duplex, 2 bis avenue Foch. Musée de l'homme, 17 place Trocadéro (9.45am-5.45pm except Tuesday, €4.57). Cité de l'architecture et du patrimoine, 1 place duTrocadéro (11am-7pm, except Tuesday).Musée de la marine, 17 place du Trocadéro (10am-6pm except Tuesday, 7€). Musée Marmottan Monet, 2 rue Boilly (11am-6pm, 5€for students). Castel Béranger, 14 rue La Fontaine.

Laura Le Brocq

16th

Photos: Laura Le Brocq

19

3rd

vokes, before being replaced by more white tiles as thetrains continue their journey.

Something Famous: Place de la RépubliqueLying on the border of the 3rd, 10th and 11th arrondis-sements, Place de la République is a place that wit-nesses. It is apt that dozens of protests terminate atthis landmark point every year, given that the placeitself was built to commemorate the Republic and eve-rything it stands for, which presumably also includesthe innate love for la lutte.

Something Random: Le Défenseur du TempsWithin the Quartier de L'Horloge, just off the Rue SaintMartin, lies Le Défenseur du Temps, a most curiouslooking clock within the city. Four golden statues adornthe structure: a man, a crab, a dragon and a bird,which, most probably, represent man and his fightagainst the sea, the earth and the air respectively. Ifthe clock itself is not frightening enough, on the hour,there is a mechanical 'fight' between one of the adver-saries and man himself, set to the sound of waves, thegroaning of the earth or the whistling of the winddepending on the fight. In a word: odd.

Carnet d'adresses:Maison de Nicolas Flamel, 51 rue de Montmorency,M° Etienne Marcel. Le Defenseur du Temps, Rue Bernard de Clairvaux,M° Rambuteau.

AB

There is an overwhelming sense of jealously emana-ting from the 3rd; surrounded by the lively areas of theMarais, Beaubourg and Oberkampf, it seems that thisarea is the shy, retiring cousin, looking on solemnly asthe rest of the family enjoy themselves. In keeping withthis metaphor, I suppose it was somewhat fitting thatduring my lengthy walk, people seemed to be headingtowards the exits, the lure of the aforementioned areasno match for the tired, weary and rustic charm of the3rd.

Something Historic: Maison de Nicolas Flamel Yet, beyond this façade of shyness lies the lure of his-tory. Glances at streets off the main boulevards revealhouses centuries old, none more so than at 51 rue deMontmorency, where, were it not for the 'Histoire deParis' placard standing twenty feet away, I would nothave been aware that I was in front of the oldest privatehouse in Paris, built in 1407. The building was used tohouse those suffering from poverty; the only conditionfor staying there was the obligatory recital of the Lord'sPrayer every morning and evening. Whilst the buildinghas retained its charm, and the aura of history stillremains, it no longer accommodates the poor, insteadpreferring to serve extortionately priced meals in amuch more bourgeois setting.

Something Pretty: Arts et Metiers StationPublic transport is not often associated with beauty: Idefy anyone to find positives in the presence of hun-dreds of unknowns all fighting for that extra inch ofspace on a métro carriage. Yet, there is the occasionalglimpse of brightness within a system that is inherentlybleak; following the steady succession of white tilesand blue signage, Arts et Metiers station, and its retro-futuristic décor, invoke the curiosity that change pro-

Photos: AB

Are you arronnddiissssiinngg mmee??

20

The 4th arrondissement, though Paris' third smallest, is bursting with famous sights and hidden treasures. Situatedon the right bank of the Seine, between the 1st, 3rd and the 12th arrondissements, the 4th is the perfect place togo to escape the hustle and bustle of Châtelet. The area's well-preserved 17th century architecture is set in starkcontrast with modern avant-garde constructions such as the Pompidou Centre.

Somewhere Historic: Place des VosgesLying across the boundary of the 3rd and the 4th is Place des Vosges, the oldest square in Paris. Built under HenryIV in 1605, the square has had such famous inhabitants as Victor Hugo and Cardinal Richelieu (founder of theAcadémie Française). Victor Hugo's house has been turned into a museum where you can visit the room in whichhe wrote Les Misérables.

Somewhere Famous: Nôtre Dame Cathedral Nôtre Dame Cathedral on Île de la Cité is a beautiful example of French Gothic architecture. The cathedral tookapproximately 145 years to build. Mass is held at the Cathedral on Saturdays and Sundays and some week days,or for less religious types, you can take a trip to the top of the towers for an alternative view of Paris. If you are nei-ther religious nor a fan of heights, then a trip to the crypt might be more your cup of tea. The entrance to La Cryptearchéologique du Parvis de Nôtre Dame is about 200m away from the front of the Cathedral. You are led under-ground into a dimly lit museum displaying ruins dating back further than Roman times. It is the largest undergroundmuseum of its kind in the world.

Somewhere Pretty: The MaraisThe Marais is one of the prettiest areas of Paris with its narrow cobbled streets and friendly atmosphere. If you likevintage shopping, the Marais is the place to go: Mamz'Elle Swing and Free'p Star are worth checking out but aren'tfor the claustrophobic. Rue des Rosiers and rue des Ecouffes have been strongly Jewish since the 13th Centuryand you can find the "best falafel in Paris" (according to Lenny Kravitz) at L'As du falafel on rue des Rosiers.

Somewhere Random: Musée de la Curiosité et de la Magie Musée de la Curiosité et de la Magie on rue Saint-Paul is a real hidden gem; the entrance is quite small and canbe easily missed. If you are interested in magic then it's definitely worth paying this place a visit. The museum dis-plays the history of magicians and illusionists from the 17th century to modern day. You can also watch live magicshows.

Carnet d'adresses:Les Maisons de Victor Hugo, 6 place des Vosges. M° Saint-Paul/Bastille.Mamz'Elle Swing, 35 Bis rue Roi de Sicile. M° Saint-Paul.Free'p Star, 8 rue Ste-Croix-de-la-Bretonnerie. M° Saint-Paul/Hotel de Ville.L'As du Falafel, 34 rue des Rosiers. M° Saint-Paul.Musée de la Curiosité et de la Magie ,11 rue saint Paul. M° Saint-Paul/Pont Marie/Sully Morland.

OW

4th

Photo: G

etty Images

21

15thOh Christ. Oh God. Shit, if only I'd been there when they were dishing out the arrondissements, I could have cho-sen something good like the 10th or the 19th. But no, James was too busy, so James ends up lumbered with thefucking 15th. It's shit. Just avoid it. Will that do Alex? No? Ok, so sticking to the formula, let's get this over and donewith...

Something Historic: Parc Georges BrassensParc Georges Brassens is a kinda cute park. Nearest metro is Convention (12) but the T3 stop Georges Brassensis, unsurprisingly, somewhat closer. Where does history come into it? Well, there are two bovine statues stood atopplinths at the entrance to the park. Why? Because what is now the park used to be an abattoir. That's right, the airin the 15th used to be thick with the sound of screaming cattle, with the smell of beefy putrefaction, and the streetssticky with blood. Now it's got a small park - frequently circuited by people who are too fat to jog any further and aredeluding themselves into fitness - named after a truly dreadful singer.

Something Pretty: Sunset from Pont du GariglanoI think the prettiest part of the 15th is the view of sunset from Pont du Gariglano (T3, RER C). You can also see theT3 tram depot from there, that's kinda pretty too when all the trams have gone to bed.

Something Famous: Rue de la Convention marketHave you not got the message yet? Nothing worthwhile happens in the 15th. The market on rue de la Convention isfamous among the locals, not because it offers anything more than any other Parisian market, but because thestreets and pavements are really too narrow to sustain a market and traffic, both pedestrian and vehicular, grinds toa grumpy halt while people shout at you to buy fish. You just made me miss my bus, I'm hardly going to buy yourbloody 40 euro trout now, am I? I guess that's infamous rather than famous. Never mind. Oh, actually there is some-thing famous in the 15th: Parc Georges Brassens is home to the biggest outdoor book market in France. If that's nota claim to fame I don't want to know what is.

Something Random: NopeDid you know that Jesus is actually buried in the 15th? No you didn't because I made it up. Stupid.

So, to summarise, the saving grace of the 15th is that it's not quite as boring as the 16th or the 17th. Parc AndréCitroën (Balard, line 8, T3 or Javel-André Citroen, Line 10, RER C) is pretty cool too, you can go up in a hot air bal-loon for an aerial view of Paris, as long as the wind speed is not greater than 20km per hour cos that might makethe cable break and the balloon and its passengers would literally just fly upwards until they burnt up exiting theearth's atmosphere, which would not be good for business.

JB

Photo:Le M

onde

22

The 19th arrondissement is massive. It covers thenorth-east corner of Paris, boasts the two largest parksin the city, two canals and the largest science museumin Europe. Despite its 'rough' reputation and its grimhistory of gallows, slaughterhouses and dog-fighting,it's becoming my favourite arrondissement. This isbasically thanks to the 25 hectare Parc de la Villette,the biggest park and the second largest green spacein Paris (after Père Lachaise cemetery).

Almost everything mentioned below takes place in, orat least passes through, this monstrous park, but thereare other features worth noting in the 19th, includingParc des Buttes Chaumont and the pretty town hallopposite.

Something Historic: L'abattoir de ParisFrom 1867 to 1974, the site of Parc de la Villette wasan abattoir built by instruction from Napoleon III. Whenit opened, the slaughterhouse could hold in its stablesand yard: 1,360 large cattle, 1,950 calves, 3,900sheep and 3,240 pigs. The site boasted 23 slaughte-ring chambers and 151 échaudoirs, where, afterslaughter, the animals were plunged into boiling waterto skin them. Yum.

Thankfully, since the 1980s, Parc de la Villette hastaken on a rather different role, with three precise mis-sions: to construct multiple important music centres,build a national sciences-tech museum and create acultural urban park open to all. This it has achieved inthe gigantic Cité des Sciences et de l'Industrie and inthree music centres: the notable Conservatoire natio-nal supérieur de musique et de danse de Paris, La Citéde la musique, and Le Musée de la musique.Wherever you find yourself in Parc de la Villette, youhear music.

Something Pretty: Canal de l'OurcqFollowing Canal l'Ourcq from the north-east corner ofthe 19th across the whole arrondissement makes for abeautiful stroll. It is met by Canal Saint-Denis at Quaide l'Oise and flows into Bassin de la Villette, where itcontinues into the 10th arrondissement as CanalSaint-Martin.

There are also numerous themed gardens in the park:jardin des bambous, jardin des frayeurs enfantines,jardin des équilibres, jardin des îles, jardin des miroirs,jardin des dunes, jardin du dragon, jardin des vents...all of which are very pretty.

Something Famous: Salles de SpectacleThe 19th is full, well not full because the 19th is verybig, of famous gig venues and there is something foreveryone: from Le Zénith, which plays host to bigconcerts (like Motörhead, and Le Monde de Nemo,Disney on Ice) to Le Trabendo, which hosts more 'al-ternative' acts (like Blood Red Shoes). There is alsoGlaz'art, for all your electro-dub needs and Le CabaretSauvage, which has been celebrating its 10th anniver-sary in style with performances by La Rue Kétanouand Tryo among other greats of La ChansonFrançaise. And, lest we forget after all its over-publici-sing, Le 104, "Paris' municipal arts establishment",which opened its 39,000m2 space to "all forms of art"on 11th October.

Something Random: Péniche CinémaJust next to Le Cabaret Sauvage, I stumbled aboardan interesting-looking cinema. The Péniche Cinémaabord Le Baruda barge in Parc de la Villette is an inde-pendent cinema specialising in short films. 'TapisRouge' showings cost just €3.50 for students, whichincludes a drink and, if you fancy yourself as a short-filmmaker, check out the stages held every Saturdayafternoon. Le Baruda will be moored on Canal l'Ourcqfor the 2008/09 season.

AM

Carnet d'adresses:Parc de la Villette is accessed by métro stations Portede la Villette (line 7) and Port de Pantin (line 5).Le Zénith, 211 avenue Jean Jaures.Le Trabendo, 211 avenue Jean Jaures.Théâtre Le Tarmac, 211 avenue Jean Jaures.Le Cabaret Sauvage, 59 Boulevard Mac Donald.Glaz'Art, 7/15 Avenue Porte de la Villette.Le 104, 104 rue d'Aubervilliers.The Péniche Cinéma, Le Baruda, Parc de la Villette.59 bd Mac Donald.Buttes Chaumont, M° Buttes Chaumont.

This is an interesting website about the 19th:http://des-gens.net/

The official website for Parc de la Villette:http://www.villette.com

19th

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ImagineR Explorations...

So you've found yourself in the 92. Let'snot kid ourselves, the chances are you either livehere or you've accidently taken a wrong turn andcrossed the périphérique.

The 92, Hauts-de-Seine, is one of the four dépar-tements within Ile-de-France and forms the wes-tern suburbs of Paris. It is divided into threearrondissements encompassing a total of 36 littletowns of which their 'capitals' are Antony,Boulogne-Billancourt and Nanterre. A good wayto get a quick little tour of the Hauts-de-Seine isto take the tramline T2 between La Défense andIssy-Val de Seine and maybe take a look aroundsome of the stops on the way.

Something Pretty: View from La GrandeArche de la Défense If you like the idea of the modern city, skyscra-pers and large shopping centres, you have thebusiness district La Défense. If you're really thatfussed you can pay €8.50 to take an elevator tothe top of La Grande Arche de la Défense for aview over the area and into the 16th arrondisse-ment of Paris. If you already know what 'La Déf'looks like then go to Mont Valérien in Suresnes atsunset for a nice view over western Paris instead.This won't cost you €8.50. For those more attrac-ted to greenery, there are numerous parks. Thebiggest was Bois de Boulogne but Paris stole itfrom Boulogne in 1929 when the suburbs weren'tpaying attention. Bois de Boulogne is 2.5 timeslarger than Central Park in New York and 3.3times larger than Hyde Park in London. Otherparks include Parc des Chanteraines inVilleneuve-la-Garenne; Parc de l'Ile Saint-

Germain in Issy-les-Moulineaux and ForêtDomaniale de Meudon. Worth considering as analternative to the more central, yet insanely over-crowded jardins publics during warmer weather.

Something Historic: Famous ResidentsHauts-de-Seine was only designated its currentadministrative status in 1968, so talking about his-torical events over the past 41 years seemssomewhat worthless in comparison to the rich his-tories of the Parisian arrondissements; however Iwill mention that Issy-les-Moulineaux has had afew well-known residents, including Henri IV andhis first wife, Marguerite de Valois; Henri Matisse(Pablo Picasso's self-declared rival); world famoussculptor Auguste Rodin and of course Parlons edi-tor Lee O'Connor.

Something Famous: Georges Seruat’s Works Georges Seurat, the famous French artist and pio-neer of pointillism and divisionism painted two ofhis best-known works in the 92: Un dimancheaprès-midi sur l'Ile de la Grande Jatte (in Neuilly)and Une baignade à Asnières [picture above].

Something Random: Twin Towns The 92 is the second wealthiest part of France justafter central Paris and is one of Europe's richestareas. It is twinned with many British towns, inclu-ding Hackney, Hammersmith and Fulham,Hounslow, Enfield, Ballymoney, Lewisham, andRushmoor to name but a few.

L.O'C

92Hauts-de-Seine

Paintings: Georges Seurat

The sensible among you willhave a carte Navigo withImagineR abonnement, whichallows you to explore the Ile-de-France for free on weekends andschool/public holidays. There’smore to France than Paris, butrather than taking the TGV toLyon, Parlons presents a guide tothree départements slightly closerto home that form the inner cou-ronne, created in 1968.

25

Seine Saint-Denis. Do these words strike fear into your heart? Or pity maybe? What is the truth behindthe myth of the most infamous of Paris' banlieue départements? Apologies, I've only actually visited it acouple of times, so it's largely a copy and paste history lesson.

Something Pretty: Le parc de la CourneuveLe parc de la Courneuve is massive and pretty. It is also home to the annual Fête de l'Humanité, aCommunist festival which attracts 500,000 visitors each year, and headlining acts such as Babyshamblesand Supertramp. During the festival, the park becomes a village with arts and crafts stalls sharing thespace with the political ones, and all equally brightly decorated with multicoloured Guevaras and scentedwith churros, fondue and vin chaud.

Something (in)Famous: Les citésClichy-sous-bois. Novembre 2005. Etat d'urgence. Believe it or not this is only the tip of the iceberg ofinfamy which haunts Seine Saint-Denis. Drancy, is an exemplification of the failure of early 20th centuryModernism. The site of the first French skyscrapers in the 1930s, it was to be used as a prototype for thedevelopment of Paris into the Modernist utopian metropolis. The only problem was, nobody wanted to livein a skyscraper. Derelict for a decade, the cité came back to life in the early 1940s, as the largest Frenchdetention centre for victims of the Holocaust en route to the extermination camps. The Modernist dreamultimately served only to further the Nazi nightmare. Of course, the skyscraper cités were eventuallyadopted by inhabitants of the Parisian banlieue, but not by choice. None of the people forced to live inFrance after the Algerian War wanted to live in Drancy-esque tower blocks, but the French government'sreticence to let them live within the city walls, and its desire to pack them in as efficiently (i.e. densely) aspossible, left the towering cités as their only financially viable choice.

Something Historic: Basilique de Saint-DenisThe Basilique de Saint-Denis (served by metro line 13 and Tramway T1) may not be as frequented bytourists as our other local basilica, the Sacré cœur, but it is equally impressive architecturally and a muchmore important site of French patrimoine. While Sacré Cœur is not even as old as World War I, the monu-ment at Saint-Denis dates back to the third century AD. For generations it was the traditional burial placeof French monarchs. You won't be able to find Louis XIV's skeleton there any more though I'm afraid.Unsurprisingly, the Revolutionaries focused a lot of attention on the basilica, and in autumn 1793 exhu-med a total of 55 bodies from their resting place as a symbolic anti-monarchist gesture. Bizarrely, onecorpse, that of Henri IV, who died in 1610, had barely even begun to decay, and the body was put on grue-some display in the town. Grisly.

Something Random: The Mystery Jet If you've ever strolled or taken the T3 along boulevard Victor in the 15th arrondissement, you'll no doubthave noticed a massive model jet on display on the south side of the road. The jet marks the old site ofthe Musée de l'air et de l'espace, which, after being all but destroyed during World War II, was relocatedto Le Bourget in Seine Saint-Denis in 1975. The museum adjoins the Aéroport du Bourget, and is amongthe largest museums of its kind in the world. JB

93 Seine Saint-Denis

Photo: derouault.net

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Encapsulating Paris from the south and the east isthe Val-de-Marne département, which, as is oftenthe case of areas surrounding cities, the areacontains little but suburbia. Nevertheless, whilstthe intention when developing towns such asCréteil, Vitry-sur-Seine and Saint-Maur-des-Fosses may have been to provide somewhere tolive for those who work in the capital, surely thesetowns are interesting in their own right, no?Despite the reruns of 'The Good Life' on BBC2during the holidays, I was keen to discover thedelights of the suburbs, or rather that the suburbscan be delightful themselves, and that they canstand alone from theiradjacent cities. Sadly,I found the 94 to belike a residentialarrondissement, lessthe aura parisien.

Something Historic:Hôpital Esquirol,Saint-Maurice Despite the fact that'historic' is not equalto 'old', the closestthing approachinghistory in the Val-de-Marne is the Châteaude Vincennes, descri-bed later under the'Famous' category.Nevertheless, withthe barrel needing tobe scraped, I stum-bled across theHôptial Esquirol in asmall town calledSaint-Maurice, lyingbetween Joinville andAlfortville, which, builtin 1641, was closeddown by the police in 1795 for being a religioushospice and turned into a prison, before reopeningfour years later and treating, among others, theMarquis de Sade.

Something Pretty: Lake at CréteilPerhaps one to save until brighter days, the lakeby the préfecture building, once a reconvertedquarry, now presents a picturesque backdrop forthousands of joggers every Sunday morning, andwindsurfers and rowers in the summer.

Something Famous: Château de Vincennes,VincennesOver the course of many years, the Château deVincennes has accommodated kings, relics of theCrown of Thorns (yes, the Crown that Jesuswore), a porcelain factory, a prison, executions,and the annual Téléthon; a pretty diverse grou-ping, of which only the kings have left any discer-nable trace of having ever been there. Tours areavailable, but in order to get the best view of theChâteau, walk along the avenue des Minimes,where the restoration of the keep, or donjon, ismost visible.

SomethingRandom: Moulinde la Tour, Ivry-sur-SeineIn theory, a windmillis not much to getexcited about. I sup-pose the novelty ofseeing a windmillgave me relativeenjoyment compa-red to the drabnessof the Val-de-Marne,spinning things inthe distance winningover slate grey anyday. When I approa-ched the windmill,an old coupleapproached and toldme about the daythat they saved itfrom deconstructionand conversion intoflats. It transpiresthat a group was setup to prevent thedemolition, and nowactively works to

restore the windmill to "its former glory", whateverthat was.AB

Carnet d'adresses:Hôpital Esquirol, 57, Rue Mar Leclerc, Saint Maurice -Walkable from M° Ecole Vétérenaire de Maisons Alfort,Line 8Créteil Lake, M° Créteil Préfecture, Line 8Chateau de Vincennes, M° Château de Vincennes,Line 1Moulin de la Tour, Place du 8 Mai 1945, Ivry-sur-Seine- M° Pierre et Marie Curie, Porte d'Ivry, Line 7

Val-de-Marne94

Photo: AB

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A recent series of Channel 4 adverts encouraged anation of lazy Anglophones to "try life in another lan-guage", the adverts set to the soundtrack of variousfamous bands from France, Germany, Spain and Italy.Whilst it could not be claimed that the linguistic endea-vours of Ulippers conformed to this stereotype, why notpick up the baton and run further?

As a generation that has seen the rapid metaphoricalshrinking of the planet, the Internet rendering theconcept of borders irrelevant, we can benefit from thefact that art from other nations is now closer than ever.To paraphrase Wittgenstein, the limits of language areno longer the limits of one's world; the populace of theglobalised Western World eat Thai food, watch Frenchfilms, drink German beer… the list is endless. TheInternet means the consummation of art from beyondthe limits of language can happen; iTunes stocks musicfrom a variety of countries, something which the localHMV could never do, owing to the necessity to sell thatwhich sells.

Hence, the question must be asked, in order to appre-ciate 'globalised art', is comprehension necessary? Notentirely. Step into any karaoke bar in France, and youare bound to find someone 'belting out' (does anyonedo anything but 'belt out' in a karaoke bar?) a 'classic'from the decades of yore, written in English, popular inFrance. Take 'Bohemian Rhapsody', which fits the afo-rementioned criteria perfectly. I wonder how many non-Anglophones can truly claim to understand what"Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me" means. And,perhaps more importantly, how many would have thecuriosity to find out? The song works just as wellwithout a full comprehension of its meaning; thisunderstanding merely adds an extra layer to the songto be appreciated.

If music written in English can be appreciated acrossMainland Europe, why is the reverse not true? Wheredid this xenophobia come from? I would defy anyone toname a foreign singer/band whose works are popular inthe UK. Yes, 'popular' is a rather awkward term to use,but, as is widely known, 40% of a French radio station'soutput has to be in French, can you even imagine 60%of Radio 1's output comprising of non-Anglophonemusic? Me neither.

Honing in on Germany, one of the countries mentionedby the Channel 4 advert, it seems that the country suf-fers from a problem regarding the perception of theirmusical output from the Anglophone world. Numerousare those who think that German music begins with

Beethoven andfinishes withKraftwerk, andthat everyone inGermany wearsleather jacketsand listens toD a v i dHasselhoff onrepeat, a ste-reotype reinfor-ced by everyGCSE Germantextbook untilthe jokeb e c o m e ss o m e w h a tunfunny. Yousee, Germanmusic has takena step beyond quirky minimalist techno, with bandssuch as Wir Sind Helden and Fotos, simultaneouslybeing influenced sonically by British indie acts of the90s, and linguistically by bands of the 'Neue DeutscheWelle', which taught a generation that to sing in Germanwas not just 'OK', but was 'cool'. They are both bandsthat mix intelligent songwriting and catchy rhythms; inother words, they are bands that the NME and maga-zines of that ilk would be frothing over if they sang inEnglish; Britain's finest music publications' loss isParlons' gain.

These bands can be appreciated by a non-Germanspeaker just as much as the harmonies of the BeachBoys can be enjoyed by a Russian, or the guitar solo in'Stairway to Heaven' can be appreciated by a Swede, orthe sheer fragility of Jeff Buckley's version of 'Hallelujah'can be felt by a Spaniard. Linguistic comprehension isnot the be all and end all; a good melody and chorus areuntranslatable. I encourage people to use the Internet,with websites like deezer.com and last.fm and theircolossal, multi-lingual databases, to look beyond thelimits of English songwriting and to "try life in anotherlanguage."

NB. Curiously enough, Wir Sind Helden have a hugeFrench fanbase, with their website available in Frenchand German only. Perhaps the linguistic patriotism thatthe artists of these countries is part of a wider schemeto destroy the imperialism that the English language hasplaced upon that which should remain entirely neutralart.

AB

“Der Krieg gegen das Schw

eigen”

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"Giving people a bed... and a rea-son to get out of it."

One of the things I miss most when I'm in France is cha-rity shopping. I miss walking down THE charity shopstreet (every town in Britain has at least one), poppinginto Oxfam, British Heart Foundation, Barnardo's, PDSA,Cancer Research, Scope etc. hoping to stumble upon abargain. There is a multi-faceted joy to it: the pleasure offinding a real snip after a good root-through, the satisfac-tion of knowing that your money is going towards a goodcause and also the environmental benefit - if you arebuying something second hand instead of new, then youare creating much less waste. There is nothing like thepleasure of guilt-free thrifting.

I found quasi-solace for my chiner urgings in the friperiesand vintage boutiques around the Marais, but I was mis-sing the 'do-gooder' glow that emanates from Tenovus orShaw Trust buys. I also left the shops feeling cheated:€15 for a dress d'occasion, and the money won't even gotowards a cure for cancer! I know that some charity shopsin Britain have put up their prices a little, but paying a ten-ner for anything would still be considered an outrageousrip-off.

My mother particularly has it down to an art. She can dothree charity shop streets in a morning, walking systema-tically up one side and down the other and always cominghome with 'treasure': another antique jelly mould that willnever be put to use or a beautiful designer jacket thatwould never fit anyone in our household and will, yearslater, end up back in another charity shop. At least shekeeps some crap out of landfill sites for a few more years.Apt then that it was my mother who discovered Emmaüs. Emmaüs (don't ask me to pronounce it) is a charity star-ted up in 1949 by Abbé Pierre (1912-2007), a much belo-ved and eminent French priest, politician and formermember of the French Resistance. Emmaüs began life asa Youth Hostel and then grew into a provider of housingfor homeless families. Though it is a non-religious organi-sation, Emmaüs takes its name from an ancient townnear Jerusalem where, according to the Christian faith,Jesus appeared to his disciples after his resurrection,thus giving back hope: the aim of the movement (er, togive hope, not to appear to people after death).

In 1971 it became an international organisation operatingin four continents under the mottos, "Serve the mostneedy first" and "fight the causes of poverty". Emmaüstakes on broader humanitarian activities around theworld, including education, defense of human rights, trai-ning and providing accommodation, while in France (andin the UK too since 1992), it continues to work primarilywith homeless and would-be homeless people, forming'Emmaüs Communities'.

'Emmaüs Communities' normally consist of accommoda-tion and a shop. The shop is often warehouse-sized andwill sell donated items (furniture, electrical goods, books,

crockery, clothes, toys - anything and everything you couldneed) that are cleaned, repaired, refurbished and sold bythe 'compagnons' - the would-be homeless people livingand working for the charity - letting them take on responsi-bility and teaching them skills to set them back in the rightdirection. 'Emmaüs Communities' can become self-suppor-ting in five years, meaning that 'compagnons' makeenough money from doing up and selling donated goodsthat the Communities don't need to rely on monetary dona-tions or government funding.

And here is the irony: while I had been grumbling about thelack of charity shop culture in Paris, I had completely mis-sed a French organisation that trumps any of the Britishequivalents. Though I may not quite be the chineuse thatmy mother is, I consider Emmaüs a real gem: everythingsold is in good condition and has been quality tested, butbest of all is that it's dirt cheap compared to the friperies -even compared to UK charity shops. I can't help comingout of an Emmaüs shop brandishing shoes, belts, hats,pantomime costumes and props... as well as a smug grin. Whether you're looking for extra layers this winter, or tofree yourself of your summer wardrobe, why not makeEmmaüs your first stop? You'll probably find a bargain andI'm sure you'll enjoy the self-satisfaction that comes fromknowing that by buying stuff you're helping people and theenvironment.

Les boutiquesWithin Paris, most Emmaüs shops sell only friperie stuff.The big shops outside the péripherique stock furniture,crockery and just about everything (they're often cheapertoo). They will usually collect and deliver cumbersomeitems.Paris :4e : 22 boulevard Beaumarchais (M° Bastille)11e : 54 rue de Charonne (M° Ledru-Rollin)20e : 105 bd Davout (M° Pte de Bagnolet/Pte de Montreuil)20e : 340 rue des Pyrénées (M° Pyrénées)Région Parisienne :Alfortville : 8 rue Victor Hugo (Zone 3, RER D directionMelun-Malesherbes)Chanteloup : 9 rue d'AndresyIvry sur Seine : 73 bd de Brandebourg (Zone 2, RER C)Poissy : 5 rue aux moutons (Zone 5, RER A)Pontoise : 1 rue de la BretonnerieSt Mandé : 11 avenue Jeoffre (M° St Mandé)Villiers s/ Marne : 7 rue Louis RenoirAM

For more information:www.emmaus.org.ukwww.emmaus-france.orgwww.emmaus-international.org

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Everyone’s TalkingEveryone’s TalkingAbout...About... Gaza

Before I begin, we need to straighten something out -those expecting more on the eradication of idiots ontelevision will be disappointed. I, like another five bil-lion people in the world (the other billion couldn'tunderstand the words accompanying the images),watched on in horror as Israel and Palestine beat eachother to within an inch of their lives. The layman hadan opinion on the conflict, whilst the leaders of theWest, vociferous against Russia's conflict againstGeorgia, accusing them of warmongering, of terribleaggression, fell curiously silent. Seemingly, if you areon good terms with the States, your warmongeringbecomes acceptable.

Enough. I looked on with interest as live images pou-red into my living room of bombed building after bom-bed building, soldiers, blood, explosions and, ultima-tely, death. With the extensive coverage that theseevents get, it is often hard to fully reflect upon what youhave just seen and heard; it's akin to 24 differentvoices screaming different pieces of information atyou, whilst something equally relevant is relayed infront of your eyes. It is only now, now that I have timeto reflect, to read articles at my own leisure, that I cantruly form my opinion.

Yet, despite the onslaught of information from all cor-ners of the world regarding the conflict, it is equallyinteresting to delve deeper and find out what isn'tshown. Yes, and you thought the media gave anunbiased account of events, the facts and nothingmore? Their omissions leave a lot to be answered for.I am speaking with particular reference to a broadcastfrom Israeli television where, during a live news broad-

cast, they plan to speak to a doctor living in the Gazastrip. Yet, before the planned phone interview can takeplace, news comes through that the house this doctorlives in has just been shelled by the Israeli DefenceForce, killing his children. There is a truly harrowingmoment where the following exchange takes place:

Israeli reporter: Maybe if someone from the IDF is wat-ching, they can get to his home… tell us your addressand we'll see if we can help.Dr. Aboul Aish: I want to save them, but they are dead.They died on the spot.

The news agencies ran with the story, the Westernpress decided not to pick it up.

When watching this clip, the shock was twofold.Firstly, the situation presented is entirely regrettable;killing, commited by any political faction, in the nameof any deity, for whatever cause, is entirely deplorable.Secondly, the loss of faith in an institution that I pre-viously held faith in provoked an all-consuming senseof dejection. The role of the media is to inform.Reveal the facts. Hold no agendas. Encourage the for-mation of opinions within those that consume. Whenfaced with an event that polarises opinion, we mustnever stop asking ourselves the vital question: Why?

AB

Photo: BBC News

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The The Capital Capital of of NothingNothing

First impressions no longer mean much to me. Why?Because I visited Brussels. The moment I steppedoff the train I reckoned I loved the city. This is largelybecause I came from Paris Gare du Nord (mostParlons readers can relate to the “special” aura ofthis station) to Bruxelles Midi station, whose smellonly reflects the complex of chocolate shops within.Nice. By my second day, however, I learned thatchocolate does not make a city great.

Even before I arrived in the Belgian capital, I hadgreat expectations. I associated it with waffles, thecapital of the European Union, the French and Dutchlanguages, chocolates, politics, and perhaps avague hope to expect slightly better customer ser-vice than in Paris.

I left Belgium with my expectations shattered, asso-ciating it with waffles, graffiti, tourists, arctic tempera-tures and a realisation that I was disillusioned inexpecting better customer service.

The best way to describe this city is to compare it toa successful action/sci-fi film that everyone raves onabout due to one impressive scene - the one impres-sive scene the whole movie relies on for box officeratings. Brussels had only one very impressive quar-ter: La Grand-Place. There is absolutely no disputeover the beauty of this little area. The architecture israther remarkable and has a rich, gothic feel to it,saturated in all things historic and cultural, lined withwaffle sellers, overpriced tourist-trapping restaurantsand the like. One is reminded how we should cherishour European cultures and architectural offeringswhen witnessing the masses of American and Asiantourists inelegantly dancing out of each other’s way

so as not to obstruct the clichéd photo taking –because they don’t get that sort of image at home,what with all those McDonald’s and snake grills inthe way. Yum.

Public transport is a commodity we international stu-dents rely on, and I for one find myself highly criticalof any other city’s attempts at getting people from Ato B after experiencing Paris’ métro. Let’s face it;aside from all the strikes and the RATP staff's severelack of anti-depressants, the metro system we haveis pretty efficient. Brussels is a good deal smallerthan Paris and only has three metro lines but itseems sufficient. There are plenty of bus and tramservices to reach those seemingly forgotten by themetro network. Despite the difference in size of thenetwork, I didn’t find many huge differences betweenit and that of the RATP. The stations, however, loo-ked somewhat Soviet. They’re clean-ish and, fortu-nately, the tramps residing on the platform benchesare scarce but I must mention that the garish orangeand grey station designs are nothing short of an eye-sore.

A short bus ride from the city centre takes you to anarea called Ixelles. This is quite pleasant and has alot of upmarket-looking houses and apartments,many overlooking large ponds by the Avenue desEsperons d'Or. I imagine this to be some kind ofequivalent to Neuilly-sur-Seine. Drawing me throughthis area was the Université Libre de Bruxelles,slightly south-east of the city. It’s a large universitywith approximately 20,000 students, surrounded bystudent accommodation. I’m not talking about some-thing like Estudines – I mean proper housing thatwouldn’t encourage suicide attempts. The university

31

area is one of the city’s redeeming fac-tors. Perhaps being a student in Brusselsis better than being a tourist.

A little north of the university are theEuropean Parliament and EuropeanCommission buildings. These look quitegrand but their aesthetics are tempora-rily being let down by the sheer amountof construction going on around thearea. But if you enjoy building sitesthen by all means go!

I failed to stumble across any bars orclubs that would be of much appealto Ulippers. L’Homo Erectus was clo-sed when I walked past it but some-thing tells me that it wouldn’t havebeen my cup of tea, all the same.One would assume there is adecent night-life in a city with a stu-dent population but perhaps youhave to go looking for it.

Some of my disappointment ema-nates from high expectations. Brussels is the capitalof Belgium, the capital of the EU, a former capital ofculture in 2000, a wealthy, multicultural, multilingualcity and a Eurostar terminus. Walking around the citybegan to strain my belief of it holding such titles,though. It simply does not come anywhere close toLondon or Paris. You could easily look at photographsof the quainter parts of this city and mistakenly deve-lop some kind of idyllic notion of what it would be liketo live in but in reality I found it lacked so much of theenergy and vigor that other European capitals have tooffer.

As I walked towards the train platform to leaveBelgium I found myself in desire of a 6ft French trico-lore to wave about in exuberance to be returning toFrance.

If it takes little to impress you,return tickets are available for theThalys train from about 50€ atwww.sncf.com or for a coach atwww.eurolines.fr from 18€. Trustme, though: you’ll want thereturn ticket.

L.O’C

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Idyllic CyrillicLearning Languagesin Paris

Three years ago, I placed my future in thehands of fate. Or, to be more precise, in thehands of UCAS. After making my six univer-sity choices, I sat back and waited for theacceptance/rejection letters to come floodingin. As fate (or UCAS) would have it, I wasaccepted by my first choice, and thus beganmy journey towards becoming a ULIP stu-dent. Quelle chance! And while I don't everregret having been part of la famille ulipienne,I do sometimes wonder what would havehappened had things turned out differently.

You see, three of my university choices wereto read French & ab initio Russian. Ab initiomeans "from the beginning", and so, had Igone to Sheffield, Manchester or BathUniversity, I would have had many hours ofintensive Russian lessons alongside myFrench degree, and would now be able tospeak three languages. Alas, this was not tobe. However, as we all know, it is never toolate to start learning new things. Indeed, myown father, despite being midway into hisseventies, has, over the past few years, takenA-Level History at college, sat at the back ofYear 8 Spanish lessons at the school wherehe taught technology, taken up clarinet anddabbled in learning Latin. It would seem thatthis thirst for knowledge is in fact deeplyingrained in my genes, and so, with this inmind, I decided in September to enroll myselfin Russian lessons, one of many courses run

by the Mairie de Paris. At just €110 for ayear's course, I don't know why more peoplearen't Russian to their local mairie for moreinformation. Oh gosh, she didn't just makethat pun, did she? Yes, she did. Deal with it.

So far, I've only had five or six lessons, due tothe fact that no classes were held during thetwo-week vacances scolaires de Toussaintback in November. Rubbish. Anyway, Idigress. My teacher is a charming, if notsometimes forceful, Armenian lady calledSvetlana. Svetlana speaks fluent Russian,and also teaches English and Arabic. She toldus in the first class that, for the first few les-sons, she would speak to us in French, butthat after a couple of weeks, she would speakto us only in Russian, to get us used to thesound of it. It's pretty daunting sometimeswhen she's rattling on at us, probably askingus something idiotically simple, or telling usthat we're idiotically simple, but we're not ableto tell where the words begin or end, and soto us, it sounds like Double Dutchski.

People always react in the same way when Itell them I'm learning Russian: first they gawk,then their jaw drops and their eyebrows jumpsky high, then they squeal, "Russian! Why?" Iprovide them with a whole spectrum of ans-wers. Amongst them, "because I love the wayit sounds", "it's a useful language to know",and frankly, "why the hell not?". Also, it's fun

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to write stuff in Russian on Facebook andhave nobody (with the exception of our belo-ved Editor, and possibly a few others) able toread it, let alone understand it.

See, that's another thing that people find hardto comprehend about my choice of third lan-guage. Why would I want to learn a languagewhere I'd have to learn a whole new alpha-bet? Well, to be honest, it's not actually thatdifficult. In a vain attempt to teach myselfRussian over the past couple of years, I learntthe Cyrillic alphabet, of which I was veryproud. It afforded me a lot more range whenreading the side of my cereal box, for exam-ple. Not only could I pretend to speak Dutch,German, Italian and Spanish, but now I couldalso at least say the ingredients of my muesliin Russian, even if I didn't know exactly whatthey meant '. Learning the Cyrillic alphabetcan be fairly easy, fun even, if you're good atimage association, which I like to think I am.For instance, the curve of the л lures me tomake an 'L' sound, while the sharp edges ofthe д prompt me to produce a hard 'D' sound,as in да! (That means 'yes', by the way).Learning these letters is also fairly easy forthe simple reason that they look completelydifferent to what I'm used to. However, theCyrillic alphabet also includes many lettersthat look exactly like letters from the Westernalphabet, but that are pronounced differently.For example, 'Y' is pronounced 'oo', 'P' is pro-nounced as a rolled R', 'H' is equal to aWestern 'N', 'C' makes an 'S' sound, and thenof course there is the famous 'B', pronounced'V' (for vodka, of course!). This can confusethings somewhat. It's like that brain exercisewhere the word says GREEN but the text isactually red, and so both sides of your brainare fighting over which one to make you say.So you can see something like 'cymka', theRussian word for bag, and your mind naturallywants to say 'kimka'. But of course, inRussian, it would be pronounced soom-ka.Gradually, as my mind gets used to thinking inCyrillic, I find myself reading Russian wordscorrectly, without having to think it throughlogically; "Right, that looks like a P so I'd bet-ter make an 'R' sound", and so on. This fee-

ling could be described as a primitive versionof Franglais, where you can slip quite easily inand out of two languages, or in this case, twoalphabets.

Speaking of two alphabets, to learn Russian,I have to learn two different alphabets: printedand handwritten. This may seem like a crazynotion, but think about the many differenthandwriting styles that we are used to deci-phering in the Western alphabet: do you writeyour lower case 'K' like this printed one, ormore like a stylised 'R'? What about your 'F'?Is it a curly affair with flicks and things, or astraight simple 'f'? You see? So it's hardly sur-prising that in the Cyrillic alphabet that thereare similar differences. That said, some ofthese variants are really quite ridiculous.Remember all that stuff I just explained about'H's being 'N's and 'P's being 'R's? Well, howabout this for something to wrap your headaround: in printed Russian (Russian text prin-ted in books, newspapers, on signs and com-puter screens, etc), the letter 'T' is quite sim-ply a 'T' as in the Western alphabet, and pro-nounced as such. But when it's handwritten(on postcards, blackboards or in cases wherestylised text is used, such as in logos oradvertising, etc), the letter 'T' is written as an'm'. And if you see a handwritten 'u', it's defi-nitely not an 'oo' sound (that's 'y', remem-ber?), but instead, it's pronounced as an 'ee'sound, even though when printed, it looks likethis: ?. Confused? You should be. No wonderthe Russians drink so much vodka. Or shouldI say, водка!

Bref, learning Russian - and indeed, any newlanguage - can be quite a challenge.Approach it with enthusiasm and dedication;you'll soon find yourself engaging in new andexciting activities, such as in my case,knocking back shots of Putinka vodka withSvetlana after class (it's important to indulgein traditional Russian cultural rituals such asthese), or having as homework to learn aRussian children's song about a crocodileplaying accordion in the rain on his birthday*.

For more information on cours municipaux

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pour adultes, visit your local mairie or visit thewebsite: http://www.cours-municipal-d-adultes-cma.cma-paris.org(Why they had to have such a ridiculouslylong website address, I have no idea.Alternatively, you can type "cours adultesparis" into Google and it'll find it straightaway.)

* "Пусть бегут неуклюже", or "Pust begutNeukliuzhe", is a children's folk song sung bythe popular character, Krokdil Gena. Type

"Pust begut Neukliuzhe" into YouTube and beamazed/disturbed.

Annie Streater

RRuussssiiaann AAllpphhaabbeett

Image: talktotolstoy.wordpress.com

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Feel like your life is in the gutter?Don’t worry, Baldy’s been there. Send

your problems, big or small, to our

Agony Aunt

parlons@ulip.lon.ac.uk

Dear Baldy,The story goes that you leave Father Christmas a sherry,a mince pie and a carrot or two for the reindeer. You go tosleep and wake up in the morning, and hey presto, every-thing has mysteriously been eaten and all that is left aresnowy footprints and stockings full of presents (if you’vebeen good clearly). So this Christmas I awoke to find theusual snowy footprints, half mangled carrots and pre-sents (clearly a good child). All was well until I realisedthat, outside, there was not one flake of snow. Now Idon’t know whether it had been the re-runs of such won-derful programming as Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, or thebox set of CSI that I got last year, but I quickly realisedthat something was up. I inquired with my parents as towhy there was a rogue snowy print. I can only describetheir response as earth shattering. No Father Christmas?My life is over.Heartbroken of avenue Haussmann.

Dear Heartbroken,We all at some stage of our lives must come to realise theshocking truth that the man whose knee we jumped onto allthose years ago, was in fact not Father Christmas but theschool caretaker with a fake white beard, that the stench ofalcohol on his breath was not, as your mother said, due to him‘warming up’ for all the festive gifts of sherry but because hereally was an alcoholic. He was also probably enjoying it asthere was no such thing as a Sex Offenders’ Register when wewere young. It’s a harsh reality but one you must overcome. Irecommend watching ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ or other such uplif-ting films to get you in a good mood for ’09.

Dear Baldy,I recently cut off all my hair but it hasn't grown back asquickly as I'd hoped leaving me with very cold ears in free-zing Paris. I have a bigger problem though: people can'tdecide whether I'm a boy or a girl. I see them lookingsquinty-eyed at me in the boulangerie, not knowing whetherto call me "Mademoiselle" or "Monsieur", then they opt for aunisex "bonjour". Children, however, just come right out withit: "Tu es un garçon ?" They ask me. "Non, une fille," I reply."Mais non, c'est pas possible, tu as les cheveux courts..."and so goes the logic. I don't want to be forced to alwayswear pink dresses and bows in my hair, like the baby girl thateveryone mistakes for a boy, but how can I convince peoplethat I am, in fact, female?Chauve of Château Rouge.

Dear Chauve,Count yourself lucky: at least your baldness was a choice andyour hair will grow back. Wear a hat if you're cold.

Dear Baldy,Every year I open the doors on my advent calendar,enthusiastically counting down the days until Christmas.But every year when the big day arrives I can’t help butfeel a little disappointed. All the build up and then a hugeanti-climax of a day, full of Queen’s speeches andMorecambe and Wise Christmas specials. Baldy, how canI make my Christmases more enjoyable?Scrooge of the Seizième.

Dear Scrooge,I too love opening the doors on my Galaxy Caramel advent calen-dar and counting down the days. However, I sit there onChristmas Eve wondering how many pairs of socks I will get thisyear. And when I sit back after the carnage that has turned myliving room into what appears to be the waste paper bin of thebiggest paper shredder in the world, and assess my haul of fourpairs of socks, a Lynx shower kit, a book I will never read, ajumper and a pair of M & S’s finest pants, I am not in theslightest bit surprised at the mediocre level of presents. It is afact of life that if you start hyping something up, whichChristmas is as soon as Halloween has passed, it will always feellike an anti-climax. Just take it easy, relax, watch that episodeof ‘Only Fools and Horses’ when they are dressed as Batman andRobin or ‘The Great Escape’ for the umpteenth time and feelsafe in the knowledge that you are having a great, traditionallyBritish Christmas.

Baldy Makes it BetterChristmas has been and gone, a time for cheer, goodwill to all men… and sui-cide? December and January have the highest suicide rate of the year highligh-ting that all that over indulging and enforced kindness are just too much forsome people to bear.But don’t let it get you down; Baldy is here to make it all better…

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