150835491 Confessions of Saint Augustin

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Confessions of St. Augustine

St. Augustine


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AUGUSTINE: CONFESSIONS

Newl y tr anslated an d edi ted

by

ALBERT C. OUTLER, Ph.D., D.D.P rofessor of Theology

P erkin s S chool of TheologySouthern Methodist U niversi ty

Da llas, Texas

Fi r st publ ished M CMLVLibra ry of Congress Ca ta log C a rd Num ber: 55-5021

This book is in t he public doma in.I t wa s scanned from a n un copyrighted edit ion.

Ha r r y P l an t [email protected]


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Introduct ion

L IKE A COLOSSUS BESTRIDING TWO WORLDS , Augustine stan ds as t he la st pat r ist ica nd t he f irst m edieval fat her of Western Christianity . He ga thered together a ndconserved a ll the ma in motifs of La tin C hristia nity from Tertullian to Ambrose; he

a ppropriat ed the herita ge of Nicene ort hodoxy; he wa s a Ch a lcedonia n beforeCh a lcedon--a nd he drew a ll this into an unsyst ema tic synth esis which is still ourbest m irror of the hea rt a nd mind of the Christian community in the RomanEm pire. More th a n t his, he freely received a nd delibera tely reconsecrat ed thereligious philosophy of th e G reco-Roma n w orld to a n ew a pologetic use inma inta ining the intelligibility of the Christ ian proclam a tion. Yet, even in his role a ssumm a tor of tra dition, he wa s no mere eclectic. The cent er of his syst em is in t heHoly Scriptures, a s they ordered and moved his hea rt a nd mind. I t wa s in Scriptureth a t, first a nd la st, August ine found the focus of his religious a uth ority .

At the sa me time, i t w a s th is essentia l ly conservative genius wh o reca st t hepat r ist ic tra dit ion into the new pat tern by w hich Eur opea n Chr istianity w ould belargely sha ped a nd w ho, with rela tively l i t t le interest in histor ica l detai l , wrought

out th e first comprehensive philosophy of hist ory. Augustine rega rded h imself asmuch less an innova tor tha n a summa tor . He wa s less a reformer of the Churchth a n t he defender of the Chu rchs fa ith. H is own self-chosen project w a s to sa veChristia nity from the disruption of heresy an d th e ca lumnies of the paga ns, a nd,a bove everyth ing else, to renew a nd exalt th e faith ful hearing of the gospel of ma nsutt er need a nd G ods a bundan t gra ce. But the unforeseen result of this enterprisew a s to furnish t he motifs of the Chu rchs piety a nd doctrine for th e next t housan dyea rs a nd m ore. Wherever one t ouches the Middle Ages, he finds t he ma rks ofAugus t ines influence, pow erful a nd perva sive--even Aqu ina s is more of a nAugustinian a t hea rt t ha n a proper Aristotel ia n. In t he P rotesta nt R eforma tion,th e evangelica l elements in Augustines th ought w ere appealed to in condemna tionof the corruptions of popular Catholicism--yet even those corruptions had a certain

right of appeal t o some of the non-evan gelical a spects of August ines t hought a ndlife. And, st ill toda y, in t he import a nt th eologica l reviva l of our own time, t heinfluence of Augu st ine is obviously one of the most pot ent a nd pr oductive impulsesat work.

A succinct characterization of Augustine is impossible, not only because histh ought is so extra ordina rily complex and his expository m ethod so incura blydigressive, but a lso beca use th roughout his entire ca reer there w ere lively t ensionsa nd ma ssive prejudices in his heart a nd hea d. His doctr ine of G od holds theP lotinia n notions of divine unity a nd remotion in tension with t he B iblical emphasisupon t he sovereign G ods a ctive involvement in crea tion a nd r edemption. For a ll hisdevotion to J esus Christ, th is th eology wa s never ad equa tely Christ ocent ric, a ndth is reflects it self in ma ny w a ys in his pra ctica l conception of the Ch ristia n life. Hedid not invent t he doctrines of origina l sin an d semina l tra nsmission of guilt but hedid set them a s cornerst ones in his syst em, ma tching th em wit h a doctr ine ofinfant baptism wh ich can cels , ex opere oper at o, bir th sin and heredita ry guilt . Henever wea ried of celebra ting G ods a bunda nt mercy an d gra ce--but h e wa s a lso fullypersuaded t ha t t he vast ma jori ty of mankind a re condemned to a w holly just a nda ppa lling da mna tion. He never denied the real i ty of huma n freedom a nd nevera llow ed th e excuse of hum a n irresponsibility before G od--but a ga inst a ll detra ctorsof t he prima cy of G ods gr a ce, he vigorously insist ed on both double predestina tiona nd irresistible gra ce.

For all th is the Ca th olic Ch urch wa s fully justified in giving August ine hisa ptest t i t le, Doctor Gr ati ae. The cent ra l theme in a ll August ines w ritings is t he


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sovereign G od of gra ce and th e sovereign gr a ce of G od. G ra ce, for Augustine, isG ods freedom t o act w ithout a ny externa l necessity w ha tsoever--to a ct in lovebeyond hum a n underst a nding or cont rol; to a ct in crea tion, judgment , an dredemption; t o give his Son freely a s Mediat or a nd Redeemer; to endue t he Ch urchw ith t he indwelling pow er an d guida nce of the H oly Spirit; to sha pe the destinies ofa ll crea tion an d th e ends of th e tw o hum a n societies, the city of ear th an d th e city

of G od. G ra ce is G ods unm erited love an d fa vor, prevenient a nd occurrent. Ittouches ma ns inmost hear t a nd w ill. It guides a nd impels th e pilgrima ge of thoseca lled to be fai thful . I t dra ws a nd ra ises the soul to repenta nce, fai th, a nd pra ise. I ttra nsforms t he huma n w ill so th a t it is capa ble of doing good. It relieves ma nsreligious a nxiety by forgiveness a nd t he gift of hope. It est a blishes t he ground ofCh ristia n hum ility by a bolishing the ground of huma n pride. G ods gra ce beca meinca rna te in J esus Christ , a nd i t rema ins imma nent in the Holy Spir i t in theChurch.

August ine had n o syst em--but h e did ha ve a sta ble a nd coherent C hristia noutlook. Moreover, he ha d a n un w ear ied, ardent concern: ma ns sa lvat ion from hishopeless plight, through the gracious action of Gods redeeming love. To understanda nd interpret this w a s his one endea vor , a nd t o this ta sk he devoted his entiregenius.

H e wa s, of course, by conscious int ent a nd profession, a Ch ristia n t heologia n,a pastor an d tea cher in the Christian community . And yet i t ha s come about tha this cont ributions to the la rger herita ge of Western civilizat ion a re ha rdly lessimporta nt t ha n his services to the Christian C hurch. He wa s far a nd a wa y the best--if not t he very first --psychologist in th e a ncient w orld. H is observat ions a nddescriptions of hum a n motives an d emotions, his depth a na lyses of will an d th oughtin th eir int era ction, a nd his explora tion of the inner n a tu re of the hu ma n self--th eseha ve esta blished one of th e ma in tra ditions in Europea n conceptions of hum a nna tur e, even down t o our own time. August ine is an essent ial source for bothcont empora ry depth psychology a nd existentia list philosophy. H is view of the sha pe

a nd process of huma n history ha s been m ore influentia l tha n a ny other singlesource in t he development of th e Western t ra dition wh ich rega rds political order asinextr icably inv olved in mora l order. H is conception of a societas a s a communityidentified a nd held togeth er by its loya lties and love ha s become a n integra l pa rt ofthe general tra dit ion of Christ ian social t eaching a nd t he Christia n vision ofChr istendom. His m eta physical explora tions of the problems of being, t hechara cter of evil, th e rela tion of fait h a nd knowledge, of will an d rea son, of time a ndeternity , of crea tion an d cosmic order, ha ve not ceased to a nima te a nd enrichvarious philosophic reflections throughout the succeeding centuries. At the sametime the ha llma rk of the Augustinian philosophy is i ts insistent demand tha treflective t hought issue in pra ctical conseq uence; no cont empla t ion of the end of lifesuffices unless it discovers th e mea ns by wh ich m en a re brought to th eir proper

goa ls. In sum , August ine is one of the very few m en w ho simply can not be ignored ordeprecia ted in a ny est ima te of Western civilizat ion w ithout serious distortion a ndimpoverishment of ones hist orical a nd r eligious un dersta nding.

In th e spa ce of some fort y-four yea rs, from h is conversion in Mila n (A.D. 386)to his d ea th in H ippo Regius (A.D. 430), Augus t ine w rote--mostly a t dicta tion--ava st spra w ling libra ry of books, sermons, a nd lett ers, the rema ins of wh ich (in th eB enedictine edition of St . Ma ur) fill fourt een volumes a s t hey a re reprinted inMigne, Pat r ologiae cur sus compl etu s, S eries La tin a (Vols. 32-45). In his old a ge,August ine reviewed his a ut horship (in t he Retractations) a nd ha s lef t us a cr i t ica lreview of ninety-th ree of his w orks he judged most importa nt . Even a cursory gla ncea t them shows how enormous wa s his ra nge of interest . Yet a lmost everything he


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w rote wa s in response to a specific problem or a n a ctua l crisis in the immedia tesitua tion. One ma y ma rk off significa nt d evelopments in his th ought over thistw oscore years, but one ca n ha rdly miss th e funda ment a l consistency in his ent irelifes work. He w a s never interested in writing a syst ema tic summa t heologica, a ndw ould ha ve been incapa ble of producing a ba lan ced digest of his multifa cetedtea ching. Thus, if he is to be read w isely, he must be read w idely--a nd a lwa ys in

cont ext, w ith due a tt ention to th e specific a im in view in ea ch pa rt icula r tr eat ise.For the general rea der who wishes to approach August ine as directly a s

possible, how ever, it is a useful and fortuna te th ing th a t a t t he very beginning of hisChristia n ministry a nd t hen a gain a t t he very climax of it , Augustine set h imself tofocus his experience a nd t hought into wh a t were, for him, su mm ings up. The resultof th e first effort is th e Confessions, wh ich is his most fa milia r a nd w idely readw ork. The second is in t he Enchir id ion, wri t ten more than t wenty years la ter . In theConfessions, he sta nds on the thr eshold of his ca reer in th e Church. In t heEnchir id ion, he sta nds for th a s tr iumpha nt champion of or thodox Christian ity . Inth ese tw o w orks--th e nearest equiva lent to summa tion in the w hole of theAugust inian corpus--w e ca n find a ll his essentia l themes a nd can sa mple thechara cteristic flavor of his thought.

August ine wa s ba ptized by Ambrose a t Mila n during E a stert ide, A.D. 387.Ashort t ime lat er his mother, Monica, died a t Ost ia on t he journey ba ck to Africa . Ayear la ter , Augustine wa s back in Roma n Africa l iving in a monastery a t Ta ga ste,his na tive town . In 391, he wa s orda ined presbyter in t he church of Hippo Regius (asma ll coa sta l town nea rby). H ere in 395--w ith gra ve misgivings on his own par t (cf.Sermon CC CL V, 2) a nd in a ctua l violat ion of the eighth ca non of Nicea (cf. Man si,Sacr or um conci l i or um , II , 671, a nd I V, 1167)--he w a s consecra ted a ssist a nt bishopto the a ged Va lerius, w hom he succeeded the follow ing yea r. Sh ort ly a fter heentered int o his episcopal du ties he bega n h is Confessions, completing th emprobably in 398 (cf. De La briolle, I, vi (see Bibliogra phy), an d di Ca pua , MiscellaneaAgostiniana, II, 678).

August ine ha d a complex motive for undert a king such a self-a na lysis.1

H ispilgrima ge of gra ce ha d led him t o a m ost unexpected out come. Now he felt acompelling need to retra ce th e crucial t urnings of the w a y by w hich he ha d come.And since he wa s sure tha t i t wa s G ods gra ce tha t h a d been his prime mover onth a t w a y, it w a s a sponta neous expression of his hear t t ha t cast his self-recollectioninto the form of a susta ined pray er to God.

The Confessions a re not August ines a utobiogra phy. They a re, instea d, adeliberate effort, in the permissive atmosphere of Gods felt presence, to recall thosecrucial episodes a nd events in w hich he ca n now see a nd celebrat e the my steriousa ctions of G ods prevenient a nd provident gra ce. Thus h e follows th e w indings of hismemory a s it re-present s th e upheava ls of his yout h a nd t he sta ges of his disorderlyquest for w isdom. H e omits very mu ch indeed. Yet h e builds his successive clima xes

so skillfully tha t th e denouement in B ook VII I is a vivid an d believa ble convergenceof influences, reconst ructed a nd pla ced w ith consum ma te dr a ma tic skill . We seehow Ciceros Hortensius f irst a wa kened his thirst for w isdom, how th e Manichea nsdeluded him wit h t heir promise of true w isdom, a nd how th e Academics upset h isconfidence in cert a in knowledg e--how t hey loosed him fr om th e dogma tism of t heMa nicheans only to confront him w ith t he opposite thr eat th a t a ll knowledge isuncerta in. He shows u s (B k. V, Ch . X, 19) th a t a lmost th e sole ca use of his

1He ha d no models before him, for such ea rlier writ ings a s th e Meditations of Marcus Aurelius a ndthe a utobiogra phica l sections in Hilary of P oitiers a nd Cy prian of Car tha ge have only to be compar ed

with the Confessions to see how different t hey a re.


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intellectua l perplexity in r eligion w a s his stu bborn, ma teria listic prejudice th a t ifG od existed he ha d to exist in a body, a nd t hus ha d t o have extension, sha pe, a ndfinite rela tion. He remembers how th e Pla tonists rescued him from t hisma terial ism and t a ught h im how t o think of spir itua l and imma terial real i ty--a ndso to become a ble to conceive of G od in non-dua listic cat egories. We can follow himin his extra ordinari ly candid a nd plain report of his P lotinian ecsta sy, a nd his

momenta ry commu nion w ith t he One (B ook VII ). The P lat onists liberat ed himfrom error, but t hey could not loose him from t he fett ers of incont inence. Thus , wit ha divided w ill, he continues to seek a sta ble peace in the Ch ristia n fa ith w hile hestubbornly clings t o his pride a nd a ppetence.

In B ook VIII, Augustine piles up a series of remembered incidents th a tinf la med his desire to imita te those who already seemed to ha ve gained wha t h e hadso long been seeking. First of all, th ere ha d been Ambr ose, w ho embodied forAugustine the dignity of Christ ia n learning a nd t he ma jesty of the a uthority of theCh ristia n S criptur es. Then S implicia nus tells him t he moving st ory of Victorinus (amore fa mous schola r t ha n August ine ever hoped to be), wh o fina lly ca me to th eba ptisma l font in Milan a s humbly a s an y oth er ca techumen. Then, fromP ont ician us he hears t he story of Ant ony a nd a bout t he increasing influence of themonastic ca l ling. The story tha t s t irs him most, perha ps, relat es the dra ma ticconversion of th e tw o special a gents of t he imperial police in t he ga rden a t Treves--tw o unlikely prospects sna tched abr uptly from their worldly wa ys to the mona sticlife.

H e ma kes it pla in th a t t hese exam ples forced his ow n feelings to anintolerable tension. His intellectual perplexities had become resolved; the virtue ofcont inence ha d been consciously preferred; th ere wa s a strong desire for t he stormsof his brea st t o be ca lmed; he longed to imita te t hese men w ho had done wha t hecould not a nd w ho were enjoying t he peace he longed for.

B ut t he old ha bits were st i ll s trong a nd he could not m uster a full a ct of thew hole will to strike th em down. Then comes t he scene in t he Milanese ga rden w hich

is an interesting pa ra llel to Ponticianu s story a bout t he ga rden a t Treves. The longstruggle is reca pitula ted in a br ief moment; his wil l s truggles a ga inst a nd w ithinitself. The trivial distraction of a childs voice, chanting, Tol l e, lege, precipitatesth e resolution of th e conflict. There is a ra dica l shift in m ood a nd w ill, he tu rnseagerly t o the cha nce text in Rom. 13:13--a nd a new spirit rises in his hea rt .

After this ra dica l cha nge, there wa s only one more past event th a t h a d to berelived before his persona l hist ory could be seen in its righ t perspective. This w a sth e deat h of his mother a nd t he severa nce of his strongest ea rt hly tie. B ook IX tellsus t his story. The clima ctic moment in it is, of course, th e vision a t Ostia w heremother a nd son are uplifted in a n ecsta sy th a t pa ra llels--but a lso differssignificant ly from--th e P lotinia n vision of B ook VII. After t his, t he mother dies an dth e son w ho ha d loved her a lmost too much goes on alone, now upheld an d led by a

greater a nd a wiser love.We ca n observe tw o sepa ra t e sta ges in Augus tin es conversion. The first

w a s the dra ma tic striking off of the slavery of incont inence and pride wh ich ha d solong held him from decisive commit ment to the C hristia n fa ith. The second wa s th edevelopment of a n a dequat e understa nding of the Christia n fa i th i tself a nd hisba ptisma l confession of J esus Christ a s Lord and S a viour. The former w a s a chievedin the Milanese garden. The lat ter came more slowly a nd ha d no drama ticmoment. The dialogues th a t Augustine wrote a t C a ssiciacum t he year follow ing hisconversion sh ow few subst a nt ial signs of a th eologica l underst a nding, decisively ordistinctively C hrist ian. B ut by th e t ime of his ordinat ion t o the presbyterat e we cansee the ba sic lines of a comprehensive an d orth odox theology firmly laid out.


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August ine neglects to tell us (in 398) w ha t h a d ha ppened in his t hought betw een385 and 391. He ha d oth er questions, more interesting t o him, w ith w hich towrestle.

One does not rea d fa r in th e Confessions before he recognizes tha t t he termconfess ha s a double ra nge of mea ning. On t he one ha nd, it obviously refers to thefree acknowledgment , before G od, of the t rut h one knows a bout oneself--a nd t his

obviously mea nt , for August ine, the confession of sins. B ut, a t t he sa me time, a ndmore importantly, confiteri mea ns to acknowledge, to G od, the tr ut h one know sa bout G od. To confess, t hen, is t o pra ise an d glorify G od; it is a n exercise in self-know ledge a nd t rue humility in t he a tm osphere of gra ce a nd reconciliat ion.

Thus th e Confessions a re by no mea ns complete when t he personal hist ory isconcluded a t t he end of B ook IX. There a re t w o more closely rela ted pr oblems t o beexplored: First , how does the finit e self find t he infinit e God (or, how is it found ofhim?)? And, secondly, h ow ma y w e interpret G ods a ction in producing th is crea tedworld in which such personal histories and revelations do occur? Book X, therefore,is an exploration of mans way to God, a w a y w hich begins in sense experience butsw iftly passes beyond it, th rough an d beyond t he aw esome myst ery of memory, toth e ineffa ble encount er betw een G od a nd t he soul in m a ns inmost subject-self. B utsuch a journey is n ot complete unt il the process is reversed a nd m a n h a s looked a sdeeply a s ma y be into the myst ery of crea tion, on w hich all our hist ory a ndexperience depend. I n B ook XI, th erefore, we discover w hy t ime is such a problemand how I n th e begin ni ng God created th e heavens and th e ear th is the basicformula of a ma ssive Christian meta physical world view. I n B ooks XII a nd XIII ,August ine ela bora tes, in loving pat ience a nd w ith considera ble allegorica l license,the mysteries of creation--exegeting the first chapter of Genesis, verse by verse,unt il he is a ble to relat e the w hole round of crea tion to the point w here we can viewth e dram a of Gods enterprise in huma n history on the vast sta ge of the cosmositself . The Crea tor is the Redeemer! Ma ns end a nd t he beginning m eet a t a singlepoint!

The Enchi r id ion is a briefer trea tise on t he gra ce of G od a nd representsAugustines fully matured theological perspective--after the magnificenta chievements of the De Tr ini tate a nd the greater part of the De ci vi ta te Dei , a nda fter th e tremendous turm oil of the P elagia n cont roversy in w hich the doctr ine ofgra ce wa s t he exact epicent er. Sometime in 421, August ine received a request fromone Laurent ius, a Christ ia n laym a n w ho wa s the brother of the tr ibune Dulcit ius(for w hom August ine wr ote the De octo dul cit i i qu aesti oni bus in 423-425). ThisLa urentius wa nted a ha ndbook (enchiridion) tha t w ould sum up the essentia lCh ristia n tea ching in th e briefest possible form. August ine dryly comment s tha t t heshortest complete summa ry of the Christian fai th is tha t G od is to be served by ma nin fait h, hope, and love. Then, a cknowledging tha t t his a nsw er might ind eed be toobrief, he proceeds to expa nd it in a n essa y in w hich he tries unsu ccessfully t o

subdue his na tura l digressive ma nner by imposing on i t a pat ently a r t i f icialschemat ism. Despite i ts a wkw a rd form, however , the Enchi r id ion is one of th e mostimporta nt of a ll of Augus t ines w rit ings, for it is a conscious effort of th e th eologicalma gistra te of the Western Ch urch to sta nd on fina l ground of test imony to th eChr is t ian t ruth .

For his framework, Augustine chooses the Apostles Creed and the LordsP ra yer. The trea tise begins, na tu ra lly enough, wit h a discussion of G ods work increa tion. August ine ma kes a firm distinction betw een the compa ra tivelyunimporta nt knowledge of na ture a nd t he supremely importa nt a cknowledgment ofthe Crea tor of na ture. B ut creat ion l ies under the sha dow of sin and evil andAugust ine review s his fa mous (a nd borrowed!) doctr ine of th e privat ive cha ra cter of


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evil. From this h e digresses into a n extended comment on error a nd lying a s specialinsta nces of evil. He th en return s to th e hopeless ca se of fallen ma n, t o w hich G odsw holly unmerited gra ce ha s responded in the inca rna tion of the Media tor an dRedeemer, J esus Chr ist. The questions a bout th e appropria tion of G ods gra ce leadna tur a lly to a discussion of ba ptism a nd justifica tion, and beyond these, to th e HolySpirit a nd t he Chur ch. August ine then sets fort h th e benefits of redeeming gra ce

a nd w eighs t he bala nce betw een fa i th a nd good w orks in the forgiven sinner . Butredemption looks forw a rd t ow a rd resurr ection, a nd Augustine feels he mu st devotea good deal of energy an d subtle specula tion to th e questions a bout t he ma nner a ndmode of t he life everlast ing. Fr om t his he m oves on t o the problem of the dest iny ofth e wicked a nd t he myst ery of predestina tion. Nor does he shrink from th ese grimtopics; indeed, he a ctua lly expands some of his most r igid idea s of G ods rut hlessjus t ice towa rd the da mned. Ha ving thus t reated the Chr is t ian fa i th a nd Chr is t ianhope, he tur ns in a too-brief concluding section t o the virt ue of Christia n love as th ehea rt of th e Christ ian life. This, th en, is the ha ndbook on fa ith, hope, a nd lovew hich he hopes Lau rence will put to use a nd not leave as ba gga ge on hisbookshelf.

Ta ken together, t heConfessions

and theEnchi r id ion

give us tw o veryimport a nt va nt a ge point s from w hich to view th e August inian perspective as aw hole, since th ey represent both h is ea rly a nd his ma tur e formula tion. From t hem,w e can ga in a competent--th ough by n o mean s complete--intr oduction to t he hea rta nd mind of this grea t C hrist ian saint a nd sa ge. There are importa nt differencesbetw een t he tw o works, and these ought to be noted by t he ca reful reader . B ut a l lthe ma in themes of Augustinian C hristianity a ppear in them, an d through them wecan penetra te to its inner dyna mic core.

There is no need to justify a new En glish tr a nsla tion of these books, eventhough ma ny good ones a lrea dy exist . E very tra nslat ion is , a t best , only a na pproximat ion--a nd a n int erpreta tion too. There is sma ll hope for a t ra nsla tion toend a l l tra nslat ions. Augustines La tin is , for t he most par t , compara tively ea sy t o

read . One feels directly t he force of his const a nt w ordplay , th e ar tful ba lan cing ofhis cla uses, his laconic use of par a ta xis, and h is deliberat e involutions of th oughta nd w ord order . He w a s a lwa ys a La tin rhetor ; ar t i fice of s tyle had come to besecond n a tur e wit h him --even t hough t he La tin scriptures w ere pow erful modifiersof his classical litera ry pa tt erns. B ut it is a very t ricky business to convey such aLa tin style intoa nyt hing like modern E nglish w ithout considera ble violence onew a y or the oth er. A litera l rendering of the t ext is simply not reada ble En glish. Andth is fa lsifies th e text in a nother wa y, for August ines La tin is eminent ly reada ble!On th e other side, when one resorts to the una voidable pa ra phrase th ere is a lwa ysth e open question as t o th e point beyond wh ich t he thought itself is being recast . Itha s been my aim a nd hope tha t t hese tra nslat ions wil l give the reader an a ccuratemedium of cont a ct wit h August ines temper a nd mode of a rgument a tion. There ha s

been no thought of trying t o cont rive an E nglish equivalent for his sty le. IfAugust ines ideas come th rough this t ra nsla tion wit h positive force a nd clarit y,th ere ca n be no serious reproa ch if it is neither a s eloquent nor as elegan t a sAugustine in his own langua ge. In a ny case, those who wil l compare t his tra nslat ionwith the others wil l get a t least a faint notion of how complex and truly br i l liant theorigina l is!

The sensitive rea der soon r ecognizes th a t August ine will not w illingly beinspected from a dist a nce or by a neutr a l observer. In a ll his writings t here is astrong concern a nd m oving pow er t o involve his rea der in h is ow n process of inquirya nd perplexity . There is a ma nifest eagerness t o ha ve him sha re in his own flashesof insigh t a nd h is sudden g limpses of G ods glory. Augus t ines st yle is deeply


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persona l; it is t herefore idioma tic, a nd often colloquia l. Even in his knott iesta rgument s, or in t he laby rinth ine ma zes of his a llegorizing (e.g., Confessions, B k.XIII, or Enchir id ion, XVII I), he seeks to ma inta in cont a ct wit h his read er ingenuine respect a nd openness. H e is never cont ent t o seek an d find th e trut h insolitude. He must enlist his fellow s in seeing a nd a pplying t he tru th a s given. H e isnever the blind fideist; even in the fa ce of myst ery, th ere is a const a nt reliance on

the l imited but rea l powers of huma n rea son, a nd a consta nt str iving for cla r i ty a ndintelligibility . In th is sense, he w a s a consistent follow er of his ow n principle ofChr istia n Socra tism, developed in the De Magistr o and the De catechezand i srudibus.

Even t he best of August ines writ ing bears t he ma rks of his ow n time a ndth ere is much in t hese old books th a t is of litt le int erest to a ny but th e specia list.There a re ma ny stones of stumbling in th em for the m odern secularist --a nd even forth e modern Chr istia n! Despite all this, it is impossible to rea d him wit h a nya tt ention a t a l l without recognizing how his genius a nd his piety burst through thelimita tions of his t imes an d his la ngua ge--a nd even his En glish t ra nslat ions! H egrips our hearts a nd minds a nd enlists us in the great enterprise to wh ich his w holelife wa s devoted: t he search for an d t he celebra tion of G ods gra ce a nd glory bywh ich his fai th ful children a re sustained a nd guided in th eir pilgr image towa rd th etrue Light of us al l.

The most u seful crit ical t ext of th e Confessions is tha t of P ierre de La briolle(fifth edition, P a ris, 1950). I h a ve collat ed th is wit h t he other ma jor critical editions:Martin Skutella , S. Au r el i Augustin i Confessionum L ibr i T r edecim (Leipzig, 1934)--itself a recension of the Cor pus Scr ipt or um ecclesiasticor um L ati norum XXXI I I textof Piu s Kn ll (Vienn a , 1896)--a nd t he second edit ion of J ohn G ibb a nd WilliamMontgomery (Ca mbr idge, 1927).

There a re tw o good critica l texts of th e Enchi r id ion a nd I ha ve colla ted them:Ott o Scheel, August in s Enchir id i on (zw eite Aufla ge, Tbingen , 1930), a nd J ea nRivire, Enchi r id ion in t he B ibliothque August inienne, uvres de S . August in,

premire srie: Opuscules, IX: Exposs gnraux de l a foi (Paris, 1947).It rema ins for me to express my a pprecia tion to the G eneral E ditors of thisLibra ry for th eir const ructive help; to P rofessor H ollis W. H ust on, w ho read th eentire man uscript a nd m a de ma ny va luable suggestions; a nd t o Professor Will ia mA. Irw in, who grea tly a ided w ith pa rts of the Enchir id ion. These men sha re thecredit for prevent ing ma ny flaw s, but na tur a lly no responsibility for thoserema ining. P rofessors Ra ymond P . Morris, of the Yale Divinity S chool Librar y;Robert B each, of the U nion Theologica l Semina ry L ibra ry; a nd D echerd Turner, ofour B ridwell Library h ere a t S outh ern Meth odist U niversity, were especia llygenerous in t heir bibliogra phica l assist a nce. La st, but not least , Mrs. Hollis W.Hust on a nd my w ife, between them, man a ged the dif f icult ta sk of putting theresults of this project into fa ir copy. To them a ll I a m m ost gra teful.


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AU G U STINE S TES TIMONY CONCE RNINGTHE CONFESSIONS

I . TH ERetr actat i ons, II , 6 (A.D . 427)

1. My Confessions, in th irteen books, praise the right eous a nd good G od asth ey spea k eith er of my evil or good, a nd t hey a re mea nt to excite mens minds a nda ffections towa rd him. At least a s far a s I a m concerned, this is wha t t hey did for mewh en they w ere being w rit ten a nd t hey st i l l do this w hen read. Wha t some peoplethink of them is their own a ffair [ip se vid er in t];but I do know t ha t t hey ha ve givenplea sure to ma ny of my breth ren a nd st ill do so. The first t hrough t he tent h bookswere writ t en a bout myself ; the other t hree about Holy Scripture, from w ha t iswrit t en there, I n t he beginni ng God created t he heaven and th e ear th ,2even as far a sthe reference to the Sa bbat h rest .3

2. In B ook IV, wh en I confessed my souls misery over t he dea th of a frienda nd sa id tha t our soul ha d somehow been ma de one out of two souls , B ut i t ma y

ha ve been th a t I wa s afra id to die, lest he should then die wh olly w hom I h a d sogrea tly loved (Ch . VI, 11)--th is now seems t o be more a trivia l declam a tion t ha n aserious confession, a lthough t his inept expression m a y be tempered somewha t bythe ma y ha ve been [forte]w hich I a dded. And in B ook XIII w ha t I sa id--Thefirma ment w a s ma de betw een t he higher w a ters (a nd superior) a nd t he lower (a ndinferior) w a ters--w a s said w ithout sufficient th ought . In a ny case, the ma tt er isvery obscure.

This work begins thu s: Grea t a rt t hou, O Lord.

I I . De Dono Per sever an ti ae, XX, 53 (A.D. 428)

Which of my shorter w orks ha s been more widely know n or given great er

plea sure t ha n t he [th irteen] books of my Confessions?And, a lthough I publishedthem long before the P ela gian heresy ha d even begun to be, i t is plain th a t in them Isa id to my God, aga in and a gain , Give wha t t hou comma ndest a nd comma nd wha tth ou w ilt. When t hese words of mine were repeat ed in P elagius presence at Romeby a cert a in brother of mine (a n episcopa l colleague), he could not bea r t hem a ndcontra dicted him so excitedly tha t they nea rly ca me to a qua rrel. Now wh a t, indeed,does G od comm a nd, first a nd foremost, except t ha t w e believe in him? This fa ith,th erefore, he himself gives; so th a t it is well said to him, G ive w ha t t houcomm a ndest . Moreover, in t hose sam e books, concerning m y a ccount of myconversion w hen God turned me to tha t fa i th w hich I w a s laying wa ste with a verywretched a nd wild verbal a ssault ,4do you not remember how th e nar ra tion show stha t I w a s given as a gi ft t o the fai th ful a nd da ily tea rs of my mother , who had beenpromised th a t I should not perish? I cer ta inly declared th ere tha t G od by his gra ceturns m ens wil ls to the true fai th w hen they a re not only averse to i t , but a ctua llya dverse. As for th e oth er wa ys in wh ich I sought G ods a id in my grow th inperseveran ce, you either know or can r eview th em a s you wish (PL, 45, c. 1025).

I I I . L etter to Dar iu s (A.D. 429)

2G en. 1:1.3G en. 2:2.4Notice the echo here of Acts 9:1.


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Thus , my s on, ta ke th e books of my Confessions a nd use them a s a good ma nshould--not superficia lly, but a s a C hrist ian in Christ ian char ity. H ere see me as Ia m a nd do not pra ise me for more th a n I a m. Here believe nothing else a bout m etha n my own testimony. Here observe wha t I ha ve been in myself an d th roughmyself. And if someth ing in m e plea ses you, here praise H im w ith me--him w hom Idesire to be praised on my a ccount a nd not myself. For i t is he tha t h a th ma de us

a nd not w e ourselves.5Ind eed, we w ere ourselves quit e lost; but he wh o ma de us,remade us [sed qu i f ecit , refeci t]. As, th en, you find m e in th ese pa ges, pray for metha t I sha ll not fai l but tha t I ma y go on to be perfected. P ra y for me, my son, prayfor m e! (Epist. CCXXXI, PL, 33, c. 1025).

5Ps. 100:3.


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T h e Con fessi on s of Sa i n t Au gust i n e

B OOK ONE

I n Gods sear chi ng pr esence, Augustin e un der tak es to plumb th e depth s of h ismemor y to tr ace th e myster ious pil gri mage of gr ace wh i ch hi s li fe has been--and topr ai se God for h i s constant and omni potent grace. In a mood of sustai ned pr ayer , herecalls what he can of his infancy, his learning to speak, and his childhoodexper i ences i n school. H e concludes w i th a paean of gratefu l pr ai se to God.

CHAPTER I

1. Grea t a r t t hou, O Lord, and greatly t o be pra ised; grea t is thy power, an dinfinite is th y w isdom. 6And ma n desires to pra ise th ee, for he is a pa rt of thycrea tion; he bears h is morta lity a bout w ith him a nd carr ies th e evidence of his sina nd t he proof tha t t hou dost resist t he proud. St ill he desires to pra ise th ee, thisma n w ho is only a sma ll pa r t of thy creation. Thou ha st prompted him, tha t h eshould delight t o pra ise th ee, for th ou hast ma de us for th yself and rest less is ourheart unti l i t comes to rest in t hee. G ra nt me, O Lord, to know a nd understa ndw hether first to invoke thee or t o pra ise thee; wheth er first t o know t hee or callupon t hee. But w ho ca n invoke th ee, knowing t hee not? For he wh o knows t hee notma y invoke thee as a nother th a n th ou a r t . I t ma y be tha t w e should invoke thee inorder tha t w e ma y come to know thee. But how sha ll they ca l l on him in w hom they

ha ve not believed? Or how sha ll they believe w ithout a preacher?7Now, t hey sha llpra ise the Lord wh o seek him,8for t hose who seek sha ll find h im,9a nd, f indinghim, sha ll pra ise him. I w ill seek th ee, O Lord, and call upon t hee. I call upon t hee,O Lord, in my fa i th w hich t hou ha st given me, which t hou ha st inspired in methrough the huma nity of thy S on, an d through the ministry of thy preacher .10

CH AP TER II

2. And h ow sha ll I call upon my G od--my G od and my L ord? For when I callon him I a sk him to come into me. And w ha t pla ce is there in me into which my G odcan come? How could G od, the G od w ho ma de both hea ven a nd ea rth , come into me?Is t here anyt hing in me, O Lord my G od, tha t can conta in thee? Do even the heaven

a nd the ear t h, which thou ha st ma de, a nd in which thou didst ma ke me, conta inth ee? Is it possible th a t, since with out th ee noth ing w ould be which does exist, t houdidst ma ke it so th a t w ha tever exists ha s some ca pacity t o receive th ee? Why, th en,do I a sk thee to come into me, since I a lso a m a nd could not be if thou wert not inme? For I a m not, a fter a ll , in hell--a nd yet th ou art th ere too, for if I go dow n int o

6Cf. P s. 145:3 and P s. 147:5.7Rom. 10:14.8Ps. 22:26.9Mat t. 7:7.10A reference to Bishop Ambrose of Mila n; see Bk. V, Ch. XII I; B k. VIII, C h. 11, 3.


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hell, th ou a rt t here.11Therefore I w ould not exist--I w ould simply not be a t a ll--unless I exist in t hee, from w hom a nd by w hom a nd in w hom a ll things are. Even so,Lord; even so. Where do I ca ll thee to, when I a m a lready in th ee? Or from wh encew ouldst t hou come into me? Where, beyond hea ven a nd ea rt h, could I go th a t t heremy G od might come to me--he who ha th sa id, I fill hea ven an d eart h?12

CH AP TER I II

3. Since, then, th ou dost fill the hea ven an d ear th , do th ey cont a in th ee? Or,dost th ou fill and overflow th em, beca use th ey ca nnot cont a in th ee? And w here dostthou pour out w ha t remains of thee af ter hea ven and ear t h a re full? Or, indeed, isthere no need tha t thou, who dost conta in a l l things, shouldst be conta ined by a ny,since th ose things w hich thou dost fill thou fillest by cont a ining t hem?For thevessels wh ich thou dost fill do not confine t hee, since even if they w ere broken, th ouw ouldst n ot be poured out. And, w hen t hou ar t poured out on us, thou a rt notthereby brought down ; ra ther , w e a re upli f ted. Thou a r t not scatt ered; ra ther , th oudost ga ther us t ogether . But when t hou dost f i ll al l th ings, dost t hou f i ll them w ith

th y w hole being? Or, since not even a ll things t ogether could cont a in t heea ltogether , does any one thing conta in a single part , a nd do al l things conta in tha tsam e part a t t he sam e time? Do singulars conta in thee singly? Do grea ter th ingsconta in more of thee, and sma ller things less? Or, is i t not ra ther t ha t t hou ar twh olly present everywh ere, yet in such a wa y t ha t nothing conta ins thee wholly?

CH AP TER IV

4. Wha t, t herefore, is my G od? Wha t, I a sk, but t he Lord G od? For w ho isLord but th e Lord himself, or w ho is God besides our G od?13Most high, m ostexcellent , most potent, most omnipotent ; most m erciful an d m ost just ; most secreta nd most tru ly present; most bea utiful an d most strong; sta ble, yet not supported;

unchangeable, yet changing a l l things; never new, never old; ma king al l th ings new,yet br inging old a ge upon t he proud, a nd t hey know i t not ; a lwa ys w orking, ever a trest; gathering, yet needing nothing; sustaining, pervading, and protecting;crea ting, nourishing, a nd d eveloping; seeking, a nd y et possessing a ll things. Thoudost love, but w ithout pa ssion; a rt jealous, yet free from ca re; dost r epent w ithoutremorse; ar t a ngry, yet rema inest serene. Thou changest thy wa ys, lea ving thyplans un chan ged; thou recoverest wha t t hou hast never rea lly lost. Thou art neverin need but st ill th ou dost rejoice at th y ga ins; art never greedy, yet dema ndestdividends. Men pay m ore tha n is required so th a t t hou dost become a debtor; yetw ho can possess an yt hing a t a ll which is not alrea dy th ine? Thou ow est mennothing, yet pa yest out t o them as i f in debt to thy creature, a nd w hen thou dostcancel debts t hou losest n oth ing th ereby. Yet, O my G od, my life, my holy J oy, wh a t

is this tha t I ha ve sa id? Wha t can a ny ma n sa y wh en he spea ks of thee? B ut w oe toth em t ha t keep silence--since even t hose who say most a re dumb.

CH AP TER V

5. Who sha ll bring me t o rest in t hee? Who will send th ee int o my hea rt so tooverwhelm it t ha t m y sins sha ll be blott ed out a nd I ma y embrace thee, my only

11P s. 139:8.12J er. 23:24.13Cf. P s. 18:31.


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good? Wha t a r t t hou to me? Ha ve mercy th a t I ma y spea k. Wha t a m I t o thee tha tthou shouldst comma nd me to love thee, an d i f I do it n ot , a r t a ngry a nd t hreat enestva st misery? Is it , t hen, a tr ifling sorrow not t o love thee? It is not so to me. Tell me,by thy m ercy, O Lord, my G od, wha t t hou ar t to me. Sa y to my soul , I am yoursalvation.14So speak tha t I ma y hear . B ehold, the ears of my heart a re before thee,O Lord; open th em and say t o my soul , I am your sa lvation. I w ill hast en af ter th a t

voice, and I w ill lay hold upon thee. Hide not th y fa ce from me. E ven if I die, let mesee thy fa ce lest I die.

6. The house of my soul is t oo na rrow for th ee to come in t o me; let it beenlarg ed by th ee. It is in ruins; do thou restore it . There is much about it w hichmust offend thy eyes; I confess an d know it. B ut w ho will clean se it? Or, to whomsha ll I cry but to thee? Clea nse thou me from my secret fa ults, O Lord, and keepback thy servant from stra nge sins.15I believe, a nd t herefore do I spea k.16B utth ou, O Lord, th ou knowest. H a ve I not confessed my tra nsgressions unt o th ee, Omy G od; and ha s t th ou not put a wa y the in iquity o f my hear t ?17I do not contend injudgment w ith t hee,18wh o a rt t rut h itself ; a nd I w ould not deceive myself, lest m yiniquity lie even to itself . I d o not, t herefore, cont end in judgment w ith th ee, for ifth ou, Lord, shouldst ma rk iniquities, O Lord, wh o sha ll sta nd?19

CH AP TER VI

7. St ill, dust a nd a shes a s I a m, a llow m e to speak before thy m ercy. Allow meto spea k, for, behold, it is to thy m ercy th a t I spea k an d not to a ma n w ho scorns me.Yet perha ps even thou mightest scorn me; but w hen thou dost t urn a nd a tt end tome, thou w ilt h a ve mercy upon me. For wha t do I w ish to say, O Lord my G od, butth a t I know not w hence I ca me hith er into this life-in-deat h. Or should I call itdeat h-in-life? I do not know. And yet th e consola tions of thy mercy ha ve susta inedme from t he very beginning, as I h a ve heard from my fleshly par ents, from whoma nd in w hom th ou didst form m e in t ime--for I cann ot myself remember. Thus even

th ough t hey sust a ined me by the consola tion of woma ns milk, neither my mothernor my nurses filled th eir own brea sts but th ou, th rough them, didst give me thefood of infan cy according t o th y ordinan ce a nd t hy bounty w hich underlie a ll things.For i t wa s thou wh o didst ca use me not t o wa nt more tha n thou gavest and i t w a sth ou w ho gavest t o th ose who nourished me the w ill to give me wh a t t hou didst giveth em. And t hey, by an inst inctive a ffection, were willing to give me wh a t t hou had stsupplied abund a nt ly. It w a s, indeed, good for th em th a t m y good should comethrough them, th ough, in trut h, i t w a s not from t hem but by t hem. For i t is fromth ee, O G od, th a t a ll good t hings come--a nd from my G od is a ll my hea lth. This iswha t I ha ve s ince learned, as thou has t ma de it a bundant ly clear by a l l that I ha veseen t hee give, both to me an d to those around me. For even a t t he very first I knewhow t o suck, to lie quiet w hen I wa s full, and t o cry w hen in pa in--nothing m ore.

8. Afterw a rd I bega n to laugh --a t first in my sleep, th en wh en wa king. Forth is I ha ve been t old a bout myself a nd I believe it--th ough I cann ot remember it--forI see th e same th ings in oth er infa nt s. Then, litt le by little, I realized where I wa sa nd w ished to tell my wishes to those w ho might sa tisfy th em, but I could not! For

14P s. 35:3.15Cf. P s. 19:12, 13.16P s. 116:10.17Cf. Ps. 32:5.18Cf. J ob 9:2.19P s. 130:3.


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my w a nts w ere inside me, and t hey were outside, and t hey could not by a ny powerof theirs come into my soul. And so I w ould fling m y a rms a nd legs a bout a nd cry,ma king the few a nd feeble gestures th a t I could, though indeed th e signs w ere notmuch like wha t I inw a rdly desired a nd w hen I w a s not sat isfied--either from notbeing und erstood or because w ha t I got w a s not good for me--I grew indigna nt th a tmy elders were not subject t o me a nd t ha t t hose on w hom I a ctually ha d no claim

did not w a it on me a s slaves--a nd I a venged myself on th em by crying. Tha t infa nt sa re l ike this , I ha ve myself been a ble to lea rn by w a tching them; a nd th ey, thoughthey knew me not, ha ve shown me bett er wha t I w a s l ike tha n my own nurses whoknew me.

9. And, behold, my infa ncy died long a go, but I a m st ill living. B ut th ou, OLord, w hose life is forever a nd in w hom noth ing dies--since before th e world w a s,indeed, before al l th a t ca n be cal led before, th ou w a st , a nd t hou a r t the G od a ndLord of a l l thy crea tures; and with thee abide al l the sta ble ca uses of al l unsta bleth ings, the unchan ging sources of a ll chan geable things, a nd th e eterna l rea sons ofa ll non-ra tiona l a nd t empora l things--tell me, thy su pplian t, O G od, tell me, Omerciful One, in pity tell a pitiful crea tur e whet her my infa ncy follow ed yet a nearl ier a ge of my l i fe tha t h a d a lrea dy passed a wa y before i t . Wa s i t such an othera ge which I spent in my mothers w omb? For someth ing of tha t sort ha s beensuggested to me, and I ha ve myself seen pregnant women. But wha t , O G od, myJ oy, preceded thatperiod of life? Wa s I, in deed, a ny w here, or a nybody? No one canexplain t hese things to me, neither fa th er nor mother, nor th e experience of oth ers,nor my ow n memory. Dost thou laugh a t m e for a sking such th ings? Or dost t houcomma nd me to pra ise a nd confess unto thee only wh a t I know?

10. I give tha nks t o thee, O Lord of heaven a nd ea rth , giving praise to th ee fortha t f irst being a nd my infa ncy of which I h a ve no memory. For thou ha st gra nted toma n t ha t he should come t o self-knowledge through t he knowledge of oth ers, a ndtha t he should believe ma ny t hings a bout himself on t he a uthority of thew omenfolk. Now , clearly, I h a d life a nd being; an d, a s my infa ncy closed, I wa s

a lready learn ing signs by w hich my feelings could be commu nicat ed to oth ers.Whence could such a crea tu re come but from t hee, O Lord? Is a ny m a nskillful enough to ha ve fash ioned himself? Or is there a ny oth er source from w hichbeing a nd life could flow into us, sa ve this, th a t t hou, O Lord, ha st m a de us--th ouw ith w hom being a nd life a re one, since th ou th yself a rt supreme being a ndsupreme life both together. For th ou a rt infinite an d in t hee there is no cha nge, nora n end t o th is present da y--a lthough t here is a sense in which it ends in th ee sincea ll things a re in th ee a nd th ere would be no such th ing as da ys passing aw a y unlessthou didst susta in them. And since thy yea rs sha ll have no end,20thy years are anever-present d a y. And how ma ny of ours and our fat hers da ys ha ve pa ssed throughthis thy da y a nd ha ve received from it w ha t m easure and fashion of being they ha d?And a l l the days t o come sha ll so receive a nd so pa ss a wa y. But thou ar t the

same!21And a ll the things of tomorrow a nd t he da ys yet t o come, an d a ll ofyes terday and the days t ha t a re pas t , t hou wi l t ga ther in to th is thy da y . What is itto me if someone does not un dersta nd t his? Let him still rejoice a nd cont inue to a sk,Wha t is th is? Let him a lso rejoice a nd prefer to seek thee, even if he fa ils to findan answ er , r a t her than to seek an answ er and not f ind thee!

CH AP TER VII

20P s. 102:27.21P s. 102:27.


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11. H ear me, O G od! Woe to the sins of men! When a ma n cries thus, t houshowest him m ercy, for th ou didst creat e the ma n but n ot t he sin in him. Whobrings t o remembra nce the sins of my infa ncy? For in t hy sight th ere is none freefrom sin, not even the infan t w ho has lived but a da y upon th is ea rt h. Who bringsth is to my remembra nce? Does not ea ch litt le one, in whom I n ow observe w ha t I nolonger remember of myself? In w ha t w a ys, in tha t t ime, did I s in? Wa s i t t ha t I cr ied

for t he brea st? I f I should now so cry--not indeed for t he brea st, but for food suit a bleto my condition--I sh ould be most justly la ughed a t a nd rebuked. Wha t I did th endeserved rebuke but, since I could not un dersta nd t hose who rebuked me, neith ercustom nor comm on sense permitt ed me to be rebuked. As w e grow w e root out a ndca st a wa y from us such childish ha bits . Yet I h a ve not seen an yone who is wise whoca st a wa y th e good w hen trying to purge the bad. Nor w a s i t good, even in th a t t ime,to strive to get by crying w ha t, if it ha d been given me, would have been hurtful; orto be bitt erly indigna nt a t t hose w ho, beca use they w ere older--not sla ves, either,but free--a nd w iser tha n I , w ould not ind ulge my ca pricious desires. Wa s it a goodth ing for me to try, by strug gling as ha rd a s I could, to ha rm t hem for not obeyingme, even w hen it w ould ha ve done me ha rm t o have been obeyed? Thus, t he infan tsinnocence lies in th e wea kness of his body a nd not in t he infan t m ind. I ha ve myselfobserved a ba by to be jealous, though it could not spea k; it w a s livid a s it w a tchedanother infant a t t he breas t .

Who is ignora nt of this? Moth ers an d nurses tell us tha t t hey cure th esethings by I know not wh a t remedies. B ut is this innocence, when t he founta in ofmilk is f lowing fresh a nd a bundan t, t ha t a nother who needs i t should not be al lowedto sha re it, even t hough he requires such nourishment t o susta in his life? Yet welook leniently on such th ings, not beca use they a re not fa ults, or even sma ll fa ults,but beca use they w ill vanish a s th e years pa ss. For , a l though w e al low for suchthings in a n infant , the sam e things could not be tolerat ed pa tiently in an a dult .

12. Therefore, O Lord my G od, th ou w ho gavest life to the infa nt , a nd a bodywh ich, a s w e see, thou ha st furnished with senses, sha ped w ith l imbs, beaut i fied

w ith form, a nd endowed w ith a ll vita l energies for its w ell-being a nd hea lth--th oudost comma nd me to pra ise th ee for th ese th ings, to give tha nks unt o th e Lord, a ndto sing pra ise unt o his na me, O Most H igh.22For thou ar t G od, omnipotent a ndgood, even if thou ha dst done no more tha n t hese things, w hich no oth er but t houcanst do--th ou a lone who ma dest a ll th ings fair a nd didst order everyth inga ccording to thy law .

I a m loa th to dwell on t his part of my life of wh ich, O Lord, I ha ve noremembra nce, about which I must t rust t he word of others a nd w ha t I ca n surmisefrom observing other infan ts, even if such guesses a re trust w orth y. For it lies in thedeep murk of my forgetfulness a nd t hus is like th e period w hich I pa ssed in mymothers womb. B ut if I w a s conceived in iniquit y, a nd in sin my m oth er nourishedme in her w omb,23w here, I pra y t hee, O my G od, where, O Lord, or w hen wa s I ,

thy serva nt, ever innocent? But see now, I pass over th a t period, for w ha t h a ve I todo w ith a time from which I can reca ll no memories?

CHAPTER VIII

13. Did I not, th en, a s I grew out of infa ncy, come next t o boyhood, or ra th erdid it not come to me a nd succeed my infa ncy? My infa ncy did not go aw a y (forw here would it go?). It w a s simply no longer present ; an d I w a s no longer a n infa nt

22Cf. Ps. 92:1.23Cf. Ps. 51:5.


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w ho could not speak, but n ow a chat tering boy. I remember th is, a nd I ha ve sinceobserved how I learned t o speak. My elders did not t each me w ords by r ote, a s th eyta ught me my lett ers a f terwa rd. But I myself , wh en I wa s unable to communicatea l l I w ished to say t o whomever I w ished by means of whimperings and grun ts a ndva rious gestur es of my limbs (which I u sed to reinforce my dema nds), I myselfrepeat ed the sounds a lrea dy stored in my memory by t he mind w hich t hou, O my

G od, ha dst given me. When th ey ca lled some thing by n a me an d pointed it out wh ilethey spoke, I sa w i t a nd real ized tha t t he thing they w ished to indica te wa s ca l ledby the name they then ut tered . And wha t t hey meant wa s ma de pla in by thegestures of th eir bodies, by a kind of na tur a l langu a ge, comm on t o a ll nat ions, w hichexpresses itself thr ough chan ges of count ena nce, gla nces of th e eye, gestur es a ndintona tions w hich indica te a disposition a nd a tt itude--either t o seek or t o possess, toreject or to a void. So it w a s tha t by frequent ly hear ing words, in different phra ses, Igra dua lly identified the objects w hich the w ords st ood for a nd, ha ving formed mymouth t o repea t t hese signs, I w a s th ereby able to express my w ill. Thus Iexchan ged wit h t hose a bout m e the verbal signs by w hich we express our w ishesa nd a dva nced deeper into the stormy fellow ship of huma n life, depending a ll thew hile upon th e aut hority of my par ents a nd t he behest of my elders.

CH AP TER IX

14. O my G od! Wha t miseries a nd m ockeries did I th en experience when itw a s impressed on me tha t obedience to my t eachers w a s proper to my boyhoodesta te if I w a s to flourish in t his world a nd disting uish myself in those tr icks ofspeech w hich would ga in honor for m e a mong men, a nd deceitful riches! To this endI w a s sent t o school to get lea rning, t he value of w hich I knew not--w retch th a t Iwa s. Yet i f I w a s slow to lea rn, I w a s f logged. For this wa s deemed praiseworthy byour forefa thers a nd ma ny ha d passed before us in the sa me course, a nd th us ha dbuilt up t he precedent for th e sorrowful road on wh ich w e too were compelled to

tra vel, multiplying la bor a nd sorrow upon t he sons of Ada m. About th is time, OLord, I observed men pra ying t o thee, an d I learn ed from t hem t o conceive thee--a fter my capa city for understa nding a s i t w a s th en--to be some great B eing, wh o,th ough n ot visible to our senses, wa s a ble to hear a nd help us. Thus a s a boy I bega nto pray t o th ee, my H elp a nd my Refuge, and, in calling on thee, broke the ban ds ofmy tongue. Sma ll a s I wa s, I pra yed with no sl ight earn estness tha t I might not bebeat en a t school. And w hen t hou didst n ot heed me--for t ha t w ould ha ve been givingme over t o my folly--my elders a nd even m y pa rent s too, w ho wish ed me no ill,trea ted my str ipes a s a joke, though they w ere then a great a nd gr ievous i l l to me.

15. Is th ere anyone, O Lord, w ith a spirit so grea t, w ho cleaves to thee withsuch stead fa st a ffection (or is there even a kind of obtuseness th a t ha s the sa meeffect)--is th ere an y m a n w ho, by cleaving devoutly t o thee, is endowed w ith so great

a coura ge tha t he ca n regar d indifferently those racks a nd hooks a nd other tor turew eapons from w hich men throughout th e world pra y so fervent ly to be spa red; an dca n t hey scorn t hose who so great ly fea r t hese torments, just a s my parents w erea mused at the t orments w ith w hich our teachers punished us boys? For w e were noless afra id of our pa ins, nor did w e beseech t hee less t o escape th em. Yet, even so,w e were sinning by w riting or reading or studying less tha n our assigned lessons.

For I did not, O Lord, lack memory or ca pacity, for, by th y w ill, I possessedenough for my a ge. However , my mind wa s a bsorbed only in pla y, an d I w a spunished for th is by those w ho were doing the sa me things t hemselves. Bu t t heidling of our elders is ca lled business; th e idling of boys, t hough q uit e like it, ispunished by t hose same elders, an d no one pities eith er th e boys or th e men. For


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w ill a ny comm on sense observer a gree tha t I w a s rightly punished a s a boy forplaying ba ll--just beca use th is hindered me from lea rning more quickly t hoselessons by mea ns of wh ich, a s a m a n, I could pla y a t m ore sha meful gam es? And didhe by w hom I wa s beaten do a nyth ing different? When he wa s w orsted in somesma ll controversy w ith a fel low teacher , he wa s more tormented by a nger an d envytha n I w a s when beat en by a playma te in the bal l game.

CH AP TER X

16. And yet I sinned, O Lord my G od, thou ruler a nd creat or of a ll nat ura lth ings--but of sins only the ru ler--I sinn ed, O Lord m y G od, in a cting a ga inst t heprecepts of my par ents a nd of th ose teachers. For th is lear ning w hich they w ishedme t o acquire--no ma tt er w ha t th eir motives w ere--I m ight ha ve put t o good accounta f terwa rd. I disobeyed them, not beca use I ha d chosen a bett er wa y, but from asheer love of play. I loved the va nity of victory, a nd I loved to ha ve my ea rs t ickledwith lying fables, which ma de them itch even more ardently , a nd a similar curiosi tyglow ed more and m ore in my eyes for t he shows a nd sports of my elders. Yet t hosewh o put on such shows a re held in such high repute th a t a lmost a l l desire the samefor t heir children. They a re th erefore w illing t o ha ve th em bea ten, if t heir childhoodga mes keep th em from th e studies by which their parent s desire them t o grow up tobe able to give such shows. Look dow n on th ese things w ith m ercy, O Lord, an ddeliver us w ho now call upon t hee; deliver t hose also who do not call upon t hee, tha tthey ma y cal l upon t hee, an d th ou ma yest deliver t hem.

CH AP TER XI

17. Even a s a boy I ha d hea rd of eterna l life promised to us thr ough thehumility of the Lord our G od, wh o came down t o visit us in our pride, and I w a ssigned w ith t he sign of his cross, and wa s seasoned w ith his sa l t even from the

w omb of my m oth er, wh o great ly tr usted in th ee. Thou didst see, O Lord, how , once,wh ile I wa s st i ll a child, I wa s suddenly seized with st oma ch pains a nd wa s at thepoint of deat h--th ou didst see, O my G od, for even then t hou wa st m y keeper, withwh a t a gita t ion a nd wit h wh a t fa i th I solici ted from th e piety of my mother and fromthy Church (wh ich is th e mother of us al l) the ba ptism of thy Christ , m y Lord a ndmy G od. The mother of my flesh wa s much perplexed, for, wit h a hea rt pur e in t hyfai th, she wa s alw a ys in deep tra vail for my eterna l salvat ion. I f I ha d not quicklyrecovered, she would have provided fort hw ith for my initia tion an d wa shing by th ylife-giving sa cram ents, confessing t hee, O Lord J esus, for t he forgiveness of sins. S omy clea nsing w a s deferred, a s if it w ere inevita ble th a t, if I should live, I w ould befurth er polluted; and, furt her, because the guilt cont ra cted by sin aft er baptismw ould be still great er a nd m ore perilous.

Thus, at tha t t ime, I believed a long w ith my mother a nd t he wholehousehold, except my fat her. B ut he did n ot overcome t he influence of my motherspiety in m e, nor did he prevent m y believing in Christ , alt hough he ha d not yetbelieved in him. For it w a s her desire, O my G od, th a t I should acknow ledge th ee a smy Fa ther ra ther tha n him. In t his thou didst a id her to overcome her husband, tow hom, though h is superior, she yielded obedience. In t his w a y she a lso yieldedobedience to t hee, wh o dost so comma nd.

18. I a sk thee, O my G od, for I w ould glad ly know if it be thy w ill, to wha tgood end my ba ptism wa s deferred a t t ha t t ime? Wa s i t indeed for my good tha t t hereins were sla ckened, as it w ere, to encoura ge me in sin? Or, w ere they notslackened? If not, t hen w hy is it still dinned into our ea rs on a ll sides, Let him


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a lone, let h im do as h e pleases, for he is not yet ba ptized? In t he ma tt er of bodilyhea lth, n o one sa ys, Let h im a lone; let h im be worse wounded; for he is not yetcured! H ow much better, t hen, w ould it ha ve been for me to ha ve been cured a tonce--a nd if t hereaft er, th rough t he diligent care of friends a nd m yself, my soulsrestored health ha d been kept sa fe in t hy keeping, wh o ga ve it in t he first place!This would ha ve been far bett er , in trut h. B ut how ma ny a nd great the w a ves of

tempt a tion wh ich a ppea red to ha ng over me a s I gr ew out of childhood! These wereforeseen by m y mother, a nd she preferred tha t t he unformed clay should be riskedto them ra ther th a n th e clay m olded a f ter Christ s image.24

CH AP TER XII

19. B ut in th is time of childhood--wh ich w a s fa r less dreaded for me tha n mya dolescence--I h a d no love of learn ing, a nd h a ted t o be driven to it . Yet I w a s drivento it just t he sa me, a nd good w a s done for me, even though I did not do it w ell, for Iw ould not ha ve lea rned if I ha d not been forced to it . For no ma n does well ag a insthis w ill, even if wh a t h e does is a good th ing. Neith er did they w ho forced me dowell, but t he good t ha t wa s done me came from t hee, my G od. For they did not carea bout t he wa y in w hich I would use wh a t t hey forced me to learn, a nd t ook i t forgra nted tha t i t w a s to sa tisfy the inordinat e desires of a r ich begga ry a nd asha meful glory. B ut t hou, Lord, by wh om the ha irs of our hea d a re numbered, didstuse for m y good t he error of a ll wh o pushed me on t o study: but my error in n otbeing w illing t o lear n t hou didst use for my pun ishment . And I --th ough so sma ll aboy yet so great a s inner--wa s not punished w ithout wa rra nt. Thus by t heinstru ment a lity of th ose who did not do well, thou didst w ell for me; a nd by m y ownsin thou didst justly punish me. For i t is even as thou ha st ordained: tha t everyinordina te a ffection brings on its ow n punishment .

CH AP TER XIII

20. Bu t w ha t w ere th e ca uses for my st rong dislike of Gr eek litera tur e, w hichI st udied from my boyhood? Even to this da y I ha ve not fully underst ood th em. ForLa tin I loved exceedingly--not just the rudiments, but wh a t the gra mma rians teach.For t hose beginners lessons in rea ding, w riting, a nd reckoning, I considered no lessa burden a nd pain t ha n G reek. Yet w hence ca me this , unless from t he sin a ndvanit y of this li fe? For I wa s but f lesh, a wind t ha t pa sseth a wa y a nd cometh notagain . 25Those first lessons w ere bett er, a ssuredly, beca use th ey w ere more cert a in,a nd th rough th em I a cquired, a nd sti l l reta in, the power of reading wh a t I f indwrit t en an d of writ ing for myself wha t I wil l . In t he other subjects , however , I w a scompelled to lea rn a bout th e wa nderings of a cert a in Aeneas, oblivious of my ownw a nderings, a nd t o weep for D ido dead, w ho slew herself for love. And a ll this w hile

I bore w ith dry eyes my ow n w retched self dying to thee, O God, my life, in themidst of these things.

21. For wha t can be more wretched tha n t he wretch wh o has no pity uponhimself, who sheds tea rs over D ido, dead for t he love of Aeneas, but w ho sheds notea rs for his ow n dea th in n ot loving th ee, O God, light of my heart , an d bread of theinner mouth of my soul, O pow er tha t links togeth er my mind w ith m y inmostth ought s? I did not love th ee, an d thus comm itt ed fornicat ion a ga inst t hee.26Those

24In bapt ism w hich, Augustine believed, esta blished t he eff igiem Chr ist iin the huma n soul.25Cf. P s. 78:39.26Cf. P s. 72:27.


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a round m e, a lso sinning, t hus cried out : Well done! Well done! The friends hip ofth is w orld is fornica tion a ga inst th ee; a nd Well done! Well done! is cried un til onefeels a sha med not to show himself a ma n in t his wa y. For my own condition I shedno tears, t hough I w ept for Dido, w ho sought deat h a t t he swords point,27wh ile Imyself wa s seeking the low est rung of thy creat ion, ha ving forsa ken thee; ear thsinking back to ea rt h a ga in. And, if I ha d been forbidden to read t hese poems, I

w ould ha ve grieved tha t I w a s not a llow ed to rea d wh a t grieved me. This sort ofma dness is considered more honorable an d more fruitful lea rning t ha n th ebeginners course in wh ich I lea rned to read a nd w rite.

22. B ut n ow, O my G od, cry unt o my soul , and let t hy t ruth say to me: Notso, not so! Tha t first learning w a s fa r bett er. For, obviously, I w ould ra th er forgetthe w a nderings of Aenea s, and a l l such t hings, tha n forget how to write a nd read.St ill, over the ent ra nce of the gra mma r school there ha ngs a veil. This is not somuch th e sign of a covering for a myst ery a s a curta in for error. Let t hem exclaima ga inst me--th ose I n o longer fea r--wh ile I confess to t hee, my G od, w ha t my souldesires, an d let me find some rest, for in blam ing my own evil wa ys I m a y come tolove thy h oly wa ys. Neither let th ose cry out a ga inst me w ho buy and sell thebaubles of l itera ture. For i f I a sk them if i t is true, a s th e poet sa ys, tha t Aenea sonce ca me to Ca rtha ge, the unlea rned wil l reply t ha t t hey do not know a nd th elea rned wil l deny tha t i t is true. But i f I a sk with w ha t letters the nam e Aenea s iswrit t en, al l w ho have ever learned t his wil l an swer correctly , in a ccorda nce with t heconventiona l understa nding men ha ve agreed upon a s to these signs. Aga in, if Ishould ask w hich would cause t he grea test inconvenience in our life, if it w ereforgotten: rea ding a nd w riting, or th ese poetical fictions, who does not see wha teveryone would a nsw er wh o ha d not entirely lost h is own memory? I erred, then,w hen a s a boy I preferred those va in stud ies to these more profita ble ones, or ra th erloved the one an d ha ted the other . One an d one are t wo, two a nd t wo a re four : thisw a s then a tr uly ha teful song to me. But th e wooden horse full of its ar med soldiers,a nd t he holocaust of Troy, and t he spectra l imag e of Creusa w ere all a m ost

delight ful--a nd va in--show !28

23. Bu t w hy, th en, did I dislike G reek learn ing, which wa s full of such ta les?For Homer wa s skillful in inventing such poetic fictions an d is most sweetly w a nt on;yet w hen I wa s a boy, he w a s most disagreeable to me. I believe tha t Virgil wouldha ve the sa me effect on G reek boys a s H omer did on me if they w ere forced t o learnhim. For the tedium of learn ing a foreign la ngua ge mingled ga ll into the sweetn essof those G recian m yths. For I did not understa nd a word of the langua ge, a nd yet Iwa s dr iven w ith t hreat s an d cruel punishments to lea rn i t . There wa s a lso a t imewh en, a s an infan t , I knew no La tin; but this I acquired without a ny fea r ortorment ing, but merely by being a lert to the blandishm ents of my nu rses, the jestsof th ose w ho smiled on me, a nd t he sport iveness of those who toyed wit h m e. Ilearned a ll this, indeed, wit hout being urged by an y pressure of punishment, for my

ow n hea rt urged me t o bring forth it s ow n fa shioning, w hich I could not do except bylea rning w ords: not from t hose who ta ught me but t hose who ta lked to me, intow hose ears I could pour forth w ha tever I could fa shion. From t his it is sufficientlyclear th a t a free curiosity is more effective in learn ing th a n a discipline based onfear. Yet, by th y ordina nce, O God, discipline is given t o restra in t he excesses offreedom; this ra nges from t he ferule of the schoolma ster t o th e tria ls of the ma rt yra nd ha s the effect of mingling for us a w holesome bittern ess, which ca lls us back toth ee from t he poisonous pleasures t ha t first d rew us from th ee.

27Aeneid, VI, 45728Cf. Aeneid, I I .


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CH AP TER XV

24. Hea r my pra yer, O Lord; let not m y soul fa int u nder t hy discipline, nor letme faint in confessing unt o th ee th y mercies, whereby th ou ha st sa ved me from allmy m ost w icked wa ys t ill th ou shouldst become sw eet t o me beyond a ll thea llurements th a t I used to follow . Let me come to love thee wholly, a nd gra sp thy

ha nd w ith my wh ole heart tha t t hou ma yest deliver me from every t empta tion, evenunto the last . And thus, O Lord, my King a nd my G od, ma y a l l things useful tha t Ilearned a s a boy now be offered in t hy service--let it be t ha t for t hy service I nowspea k an d w rite an d reckon. For when I wa s lea rning vain t hings, thou didst imposeth y discipline upon me: a nd t hou ha st forgiven me my sin of delight ing in t hosevanit ies . In t hose studies I lea rned ma ny a useful word, but th ese might h a ve beenlea rned in mat ters not so vain; and surely tha t is the sa fe wa y for youths t o wa lk in.

CHAPTER XVI

25. B ut w oe unto you, O torrent of hum a n custom! Who shall sta y yourcourse? When w ill you ever run dry? H ow long w ill you ca rry down th e sons of Eveinto tha t va st a nd hideous ocea n, w hich even those who ha ve the Tree (for a n a rk)29

can scarcely pa ss over? Do I not r ead in you th e stories of J ove the t hund erer--a ndthe a dulterer?30H ow could he be both? B ut so i t say s, and the sha m t hunder serveda s a cloa k for him t o play a t real a dultery. Yet w hich of our gowned ma sters wil lgive a tempered hearing t o a ma n tr a ined in th eir ow n schools wh o cries out a ndsa ys: These were H omers fictions; he tra nsfers th ings hum a n t o the gods. I couldha ve wished th a t h e would tra nsfer divine things to us.31B ut i t w ould have beenmore true if he sa id, These ar e, indeed, his fictions, but h e a tt ributed divinea tt r ibutes to sinful men, th a t cr imes might not be accounted cr imes, and tha tw hoever commit ted such crimes might a ppea r to imita te t he celestia l gods a nd nota bandoned men.

26. And y et, O t orrent of hell, the sons of men a re still cast into you, an d t heypay fees for learn ing a ll these things. And much is ma de of it w hen t his goes on inth e forum under the a uspices of law s wh ich give a sa lar y over an d a bove the fees.And you bea t a ga inst your rocky shore a nd roar: H ere words may be learned; hereyou ca n a tt a in th e eloquence which is so necessa ry t o persua de people to your wa yof th inking; so helpful in unfolding your opinions. Verily, th ey seem to a rgue t ha tw e should n ever h a ve underst ood t hese words, golden shower, bosom, int rigue,highest hea vens, a nd oth er such w ords, if Terence ha d not intr oduced a good-for-nothing youth u pon t he sta ge, sett ing up a picture of J ove as his exam ple oflewdness a nd tel l ing the t a le

Of J oves descending in a golden showerInt o Da na es bosom...With a woma n t o intr igue.

29L ignumis a common meta phor for the cross; and it wa s often joined to the figure of Noah's ark, a sthe means of safe tra nsport from eart h to heaven.30This a postrophe to " th e torrent of huma n custom" now swit ches its focus to th e poets w ho

celebra ted t he philanderings of the gods; see De civ. D ei, II, vii-xi; IV, xxvi-xxviii.31Probably a contemporary disciple of Cicero (or the Academics) whom Augustine had heard levy a

ra ther common philosopher's complaint a ga inst Olympia n religion a nd t he poetic myths a bout it . Cf.

De L a briolle, I, 21 (see B ibl.).


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See how h e excites himself to lust, as if by a h eavenly a uth ority , when he sa ys:

Great J ove,Who shakes the highest heavens w ith his t hunder ;Sha ll I , poor morta l ma n, not do the sa me?Ive done i t , an d w ith a l l my heart , I m gla d.32

These words a re not lea rned one w hit more easily beca use of this vileness,but t hrough th em th e vileness is more boldly perpetra ted. I do not bla me the w ords,for t hey a re, a s it w ere, choice and precious vessels, but I do deplore th e wine oferror wh ich w a s poured out t o us by tea chers alread y drunk. And, unless we alsodra nk w e were bea ten, w ithout liberty of a ppea l to a sober judge. And yet, O myG od, in whose presence I can n ow w ith security reca ll this, I lea rned th ese th ingsw illingly a nd w ith delight, a nd for it I w a s called a boy of good promise.

CH AP TER XVII

27. B ear w ith me, O my G od, while I spea k a l it t le of those ta lents , th y gif ts ,a nd of the fol lies on which I w a sted them. For a lesson w a s given me t ha tsufficiently distur bed my soul, for in it t here wa s both hope of praise a nd fea r ofsha me or str ipes. The assignment w a s tha t I should declaim t he words of J uno, asshe ra ged an d sorrowed tha t she could not

Ba r of f I ta lyFrom a ll the a pproa ches of the Teucria n king. 33

I ha d lea rned tha t J uno had never uttered these words. Yet w e were compelled tostra y in t he footst eps of these poetic fictions, an d t o tu rn int o prose wh a t t he poetha d sa id in verse. In th e declama tion, the boy won most a pplause wh o most

strikingly reproduced th e pa ssions of a nger a nd sorrow a ccording t o th e cha ra cterof the persons presented a nd w ho cloth ed it a ll in t he most suita ble lan gua ge. Wha tis it n ow to me, O my t rue Life, my G od, tha t m y declaiming wa s a pplauded a bovetha t of many of my classma tes a nd fellow st udents? Actually , wa s not a l l tha t smokea nd w ind? Besides, wa s there nothing else on w hich I could ha ve exercised my w ita nd t ongue? Thy pra ise, O Lord, thy pra ises might h a ve propped up t he tendrils ofmy heart by thy S criptures; and i t w ould not ha ve been dragged aw a y by theseempty t rifles, a sh a meful prey to the spirits of the a ir . For th ere is more th a n onew a y in wh ich men sa crifice to th e fa llen a ngels.

CH AP TER XVII I

28. But i t w as no wonder tha t I w a s thus ca r r ied toward vani ty a nd wa sestra nged from t hee, O my G od, wh en men w ere held up as m odels to me who, whenrela t ing a deed of th eirs--not in its elf evil--w ere covered w ith confus ion if foundguilty of a ba rba rism or a solecism; but w ho could tell of th eir ow n licentiousnessa nd be appla uded for it , so long a s th ey did it in a full a nd orna te orat ion of w ell-chosen w ords. Thou seest a ll th is, O L ord, a nd dost keep silence--long-suffering ,a nd plenteous in mercy a nd tr uth 34a s th ou ar t. Wilt t hou keep silence forever?

32Terence, Eunuch., 584-591; quoted a ga in in De civ. D ei, II, vii.33Aeneid, I, 38.34Cf. P s. 103:8 a nd P s. 86:15.


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Even now t hou dra west from th a t va st deep the soul tha t seeks thee and th irstsa f ter thy delight, whose heart said unt o thee, I ha ve sought t hy fa ce; thy face,Lord, w ill I seek.35For I w a s far from t hy fa ce in the dar k shadows of pa ssion. Forit is not by our feet, nor by chan ge of pla ce, tha t w e either t urn from th ee or retur nto thee. Tha t y ounger son did not char ter h orses or cha riots, or ships, or fly a wa y onvisible wings, or journey by w a lking so tha t in t he far country h e might prodigally

wa ste al l tha t t hou didst give him w hen he set out. 36A kind Fa ther w hen thougavest ; a nd kinder st i l l when he returned desti tut e! To be wa nton, tha t is t o sa y, tobe dar kened in hea rt --th is is to be fa r from thy fa ce.

29. Look dow n, O Lord God, an d see pa tiently, a s th ou a rt w ont to do, howdiligently th e sons of men observe th e conventiona l rules of lett ers a nd sy llables,ta ught them by those who learned th eir letters beforehand, w hile they neglect theeternal rules of everla sting sa lvation ta ught by th ee. They carry i t so fa r t ha t i f hew ho practices or tea ches t he esta blished rules of pronuncia tion should spea k(contra ry t o gramma tical usa ge) with out a spira ting t he f irst syl lable of hominem[ominem, an d th us ma ke it a uma n being], he will offend men m ore tha n if he, ahuma n being, w ere to hatea nother huma n being contra ry to thy comma ndments. I tis as if he should feel tha t t here is an enemy w ho could be more destructive tohimself tha n t ha t h a tred w hich excites him aga inst his fel low ma n; or t ha t h e coulddestroy him w hom he ha tes more completely tha n he destroys his ow n soul by th issa me ha tr ed. Now, obviously, there is no knowledge of lett ers more inna te th a n t hew riting of conscience--a ga inst d oing unt o a nother w ha t one would not ha ve done tohimself.

How myster ious t hou ar t , w ho dwellest on h igh37in silence. O t hou, theonly great G od, who by a n unw earied la w hurlest down t he pena lty of bl indness tounla w ful desire! When a ma n seeking t he reputa tion of eloquence sta nds before ahuma n judge, while a t hronging multi tude surrounds him, a nd inveighs a ga inst hisenemy w ith t he most f ierce ha tred, he ta kes most vigilant heed t ha t his tongue doesnot sl ip in a gra mma tica l error , for example, a nd sa y in ter homi ni bus[inst ea d of

in ter h omi nes], but h e ta kes no heed lest, in t he fury of his spirit, he cut off a ma nfrom his fellow m en [ex hom in ibu s].30. These were the customs in the midst of which I w a s cast , a n unh a ppy boy.

This wa s the w restl ing a rena in which I w a s more fea rful of perpetra ting aba rba rism th a n, ha ving done so, of envying those who ha d not. These things Ideclare a nd confess to thee, my G od. I w a s a pplauded by t hose whom I then t houghtit my w hole duty t o plea se, for I did not perceive th e gulf of infam y w herein I wa scas t aw ay f rom t hy eyes .

For in thy eyes, wh a t w a s more infam ous tha n I w a s already, s ince Idispleased even my own kind a nd deceived, w ith endless lies, my tut or, my m a stersa nd pa rents--a ll from a love of play, a craving for frivolous specta cles, a sta ge-str uckrestlessness to imita te w ha t I sa w in t hese shows? I pilfered from my pa rents cella r

a nd t a ble, sometimes driven by glutt ony, sometimes just t o ha ve someth ing to giveto oth er boys in exchan ge for t heir ba ubles, which th ey w ere prepar ed to sell eventh ough t hey liked th em a s w ell a s I. Moreover, in this kind of play , I often soughtdishonest victories, being my self conquered by t he va in desire for pre-eminence.And w ha t w a s I so unwill ing to endure, and wha t w a s i t tha t I censured so violentlywh en I caught a nyone, except the very th ings I did t o others? And, w hen I wa smyself detected a nd censured, I preferred to qua rrel rat her tha n t o yield. Is t his the

35P s. 27:8.36An interest ing mixed r eminiscence of Enneads, I, 5:8 an d L uke 15:13-24.37P s. 123:1.


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innocence of childhood? It is not, O Lord, it is not. I entrea t th y m ercy, O my G od,for t hese sam e sins a s we grow older are t ra nsferred from t utors and ma sters ; theypass from nut s and ba lls an d sparrows, to ma gistra tes and kings, to gold and la ndsa nd sla ves, just a s the rod is succeeded by more severe chast isements. It w a s, then,th e fact of hum ility in childhood th a t t hou, O our King, didst a pprove as a symbol ofhumility w hen th ou sa idst, Of such is the Kingdom of Hea ven.38

CH AP TER XIX

31. How ever, O Lord, t o th ee most excellent a nd m ost good, th ou Archit ecta nd G overnor of the un iverse, tha nks w ould be due thee, O our G od, even if th ouha dst n ot w illed tha t I should survive my boyhood. For I existed even then; I liveda nd felt a nd w a s solicitous about m y own w ell-being--a tr a ce of th a t m ostmyst erious unity from whence I ha d my being.39I kept wa tch, by my inner sense,over the integrit y of my outer senses, and even in th ese tr ifles an d a lso in mythoughts a bout t r i fles , I lea rned to ta ke plea sure in t ruth. I wa s a verse to beingdeceived; I ha d a vigorous memory; I w a s gifted wit h t he pow er of speech, w a ssoftened by friendship, shunned sorrow, m ean ness, ignora nce. Is not such a na nima ted creat ure as t his wonderful and praiseworthy? But a l l these are gifts of myG od; I did not give th em to myself. Moreover, they a re good, a nd t hey a ll togeth erconst itut e myself. Good, then, is he tha t ma de me, a nd he is my G od; a nd before himw ill I rejoice exceedingly for every g ood gift w hich, even a s a boy, I ha d. B ut hereinlay my sin, th a t i t w a s not in him, but in his creat ures--myself a nd t he rest--tha t Isought for pleasures, honors, an d t rut hs. And I fell thereby int o sorrows, t roubles,a nd err ors. Tha nks be to th ee, my joy, my pr ide, my confidence, my G od--th a nks beto thee for t hy gift s; but do th ou preserve th em in me. For thu s w ilt th ou preserveme; an d th ose things w hich thou ha st given me sha ll be developed and perfected,a nd I m yself sha ll be w ith t hee, for from thee is my being.

38Ma tt . 19:14.39Another Plotinian echo; cf. Enneads, II I, 8:10.


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B OOK TWO

H e concent r ates her e on h i s si xteent h year , a year of i dl eness, l ust, an d adolescent

m i schi ef. Th e memory of steali ng some pear s pr ompt s a deep pr obing of the moti vesand aims of sin ful acts. I became to mysel f a w astel and .

CHAPTER I

1. I w ish now to review in memory my past wickedness a nd th e ca rna lcorrupt ions of my soul--not because I still love th em, but th a t I m a y love thee, O myG od. For love of t hy love I d o this, recalling in t he bitt erness of self-examina tion mywicked wa ys, tha t t hou ma yest grow sweet to me, thou sweetness with outdeception! Thou sweetness ha ppy and a ssured! Thus t hou ma yest ga th er me up outof those fra gments in w hich I wa s torn t o pieces, while I t urned a wa y from t hee, OU nity , an d lost myself a mong the ma ny.40For as I beca me a youth, I longed to be

sa tisfied with w orldly things, a nd I da red to grow w ild in a succession of variousa nd sha dowy loves. My form w a sted a wa y, a nd I beca me corrupt in t hy eyes, yet Iw a s st ill pleasing t o my own eyes--a nd ea ger to plea se the eyes of men.

CH AP TER II

2. B ut w ha t w a s i t t ha t delighted me sa ve to love and t o be loved? St i ll I didnot keep th e modera te w a y of the love of mind t o mind--th e bright pa th offriendship. Instea d, th e mists of passion stea med up out of the puddly concupiscenceof the flesh, and t he hot ima gina tion of puberty , an d th ey so obscured a nd overcastmy hea rt tha t I w a s una ble to dist inguish pure af fection from unh oly desire. Bothboiled confusedly wit hin me, a nd dra gged my un sta ble youth down over t he cliffs of

uncha ste desires an d plunged me into a gulf of infam y. Thy a nger ha d come uponme, an d I knew it n ot. I ha d been dea fened by th e clan king of the cha ins of mymorta lity, the punishment for my souls pride, and I w a ndered fart her from th ee,a nd t hou didst permit m e to do so. I w a s tossed to a nd fro, an d w a sted, and pouredout, a nd I boiled over in m y fornica tions--a nd y et t hou didst h old th y peace, O myta rdy J oy! Thou didst s t i ll hold thy pea ce, and I w a ndered sti l l far th er from t heeinto more a nd y et m ore ba rren fields of sorrow , in proud dejection a nd restlesslassi tude.

3. If only there ha d been someone to regulat e my disorder a nd t urn t o myprofit th e fleeting bea ut ies of the t hings a round me, an d to fix a bound t o th eirsweetness, so tha t the t ides of my youth might h a ve spent t hemselves upon t heshore of ma rr iage! Then they m ight ha ve been tra nquil ized and sat isfied w ithha ving children, as th y la w prescribes, O Lord--O t hou wh o dost form th e offspringof our deat h a nd a r t a ble a lso with a t ender ha nd to blunt t he thorns wh ich w ereexcluded from t hy pa ra dise!41For th y omnipotence is not fa r from us even when w ea re far from thee. Now , on th e oth er ha nd, I might ha ve given more vigilan t heed toth e voice from t he clouds: Nevertheless, such sh a ll ha ve trouble in th e flesh, but Ispar e you, 42a nd, I t is good for a ma n not to touch a woma n,43and , He that i s

40Yet another P lotinia n phra se; cf. Enneads, I, 6, 9:1-2.41Cf. G en. 3:18 a nd De bono conj ugal i, 8-9, 39-35 (N-PNF, III, 396-413).421 Cor. 7:28.431 Cor. 7:1.


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unma rried cares for t he things t ha t belong t o the Lord, how he ma y plea se the Lord;but he tha t is ma rr ied cares for the th ings tha t a re of the world, how h e may pleasehis w ife.44I should ha ve lis tened more at tentively t o these words, and, t hus ha vingbeen ma de a eunuch for t he Kingdom of H eavens sake,45I w ould have withgrea ter ha ppiness expected th y embra ces.

4. B ut, fool tha t I wa s, I foa med in my w ickedness as t he sea a nd, forsaking

th ee, follow ed the rushing of my own t ide, a nd burst out of all th y bounds. Bu t I didnot esca pe th y scourges. For w ha t m ort a l ca n do so? Thou wa st a lwa ys by me,mercifully a ngry a nd f lavoring a l l my unla wful plea sures with bit ter discontent, inorder th a t I might seek plea sures free from discont ent. B ut w here could I find suchplea sure sa ve in th ee, O Lord--sa ve in th ee, w ho dost tea ch us by sorrow, w howoundest us t o hea l us, and dost kill us tha t w e ma y not die apart from t hee. Wherewa s I , a nd how far w a s I exiled from t he delights of thy house, in tha t s ixteenth yearof the a ge of my flesh, when t he ma dness of lust held full swa y in me--th a t m a dnessw hich gran ts indulgence to huma n sha melessness, even though it is forbidden byth y la w s--a nd I g a ve myself entirely to it? Mean w hile, my fa mily took no care tosave me from ruin by ma rriage, for th eir sole ca re wa s tha t I should lea rn how t oma ke a powerful speech a nd become a persuasive ora tor.

CH AP TER I II

5. Now, in tha t yea r my st udies were int errupted. I ha d come back fromMada ura , a n eighboring ci ty 46

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150835491 Confessions of Saint Augustin